A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hiya can sum1 pls help... ok ive bin with my bf for 6 years everything is fine we have two small children and he has two older girls from previous relationship ( he is older than me) then about two months ago one of his girls was found out to be off the rails( she was drinking, smoking sex drugs and the police was involved) after wards his ex was always on the phone for the slightest of things (his girls are 18 and 15) after a couple of weeks when all was forgotten she was still on the phone but about her relationship and to find out how his day was... i got really upset by this but decided to keep my mouth shut., then one day i found out i was pregnant, i was shocked and upset as it was a surprise then that night he told me how they had been getting close and talking more and more but no one had said anything or done anything, he promised he would stop a week later nothing had changed then i had the dreadful news that i was having a miscarriage.... i have been very upset and unable to cope he doesn't seem bothered he says all that is important is that im OK. Then today she phoned asking if he would pick up some drawers from ikea later this week for his girls he said yes as he had already agreed, then she said she wanted to go because she has never been he said no as it is too much mileage!which it is. It is the fact that she wants to go out and play happy familiesI'm made to feel like im over reacting and that its not important i just don't know how to handle any of this she has said 1 thing tho that they should of never split up. please help and thank you in advanced
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female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (1 May 2009):
 For a start your emotions are all over the place right now and will be for some time because of the miscarriage. I have suffered two miscarriages and each time I have been a bit emotional for weeks/ months afterwards. His ex may claim they should never have split up, but they did! They did because their relationship was not working out. I think his involvement with his children is normal and a sign that he is a good father. I don't think you should worry about him cheating with her. He speaks to you about their conversations and what is happening between them - cheating partners tend to be more secretive. Inevitably he has to speak to her due to the children and maybe she leans on him for advice as he will know her well. You knew he had children when you met him and started the relationship, and therefore I think you just have to accept his contact with his family. I would say you should trust him to do the right thing as there isn't much evidence that he is behaving badly here. I also think you need to concentrate on dealing with your stress levels because you need a bit of pampering and relaxation after what has happened. So, focus on yourself and feeling better, rather than worrying about your man and his ex.
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