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female
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anonymous
writes: Iv'e been with my current boyfriend for two months now( nothing really) and things are really good. hes a bit older than me, (im 25 he's 28-9) He first moved out from home when he was 20. He seems to have lived with every one of his serious girlfriends. Hes got a child with an ex (miss a). He gets on with her for the sake of their beautiful child,and (miss a) is hardly ever mentioned if at all. the problem is, his recent ex( miss b). Miss B was divorced and had a cute boy, who his child got on really well with (so i've been told) he's even got a picture of his child and her son in his living room, because he likes the picture. He seems to mention his ex quite a lot. They lived together for a while and bought a car together. They broke up 6 months ago, but she still seems to text him a lot asking if she can collect certain things and asking what they are going to do about the car. I didnt mind at first, as im not a jealous person, but every week he mentions her saying " my ex has been hassling me again about this or that" i just wish he'd get things sorted with her so we can have some peace. She is with someone else, and as far as i'm aware he wouldnt go back to her. But im concerned as to why she isn't out of his life completly, surely thats the best way to move on? should i be worried that maybe they still have feelings for eachother and the "things in the house" is an excuse, or am i looking too much into things? x
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2005): They just broken up 6 months ago and it's sounds like they don't really have feelings for each other but obviously, there are many loose ends, he has to tie up-to make that final break (the car and belongings). I would just give this more time and not jump the gun. Remember, you cannot forbid him to talk to his ex (MissB) but you can only tell him what is in your heart, but first, please give this more time to work it's way out. You got into this relationship very soon after he came out of another committed relationship...and thus is the drawbacks.
Ask him to get these loose ends tied up with her. If after he does this, the contact will likely stop. But if she still contacts him then you have the right to be disturbed by what is occurring because it means, you both have a difference in values. Perhaps you need to look at this difference and decided whether this something you will need to address. At that time, then you should have a long talk with your bf about how you think her behaviours are affecting your life. I would hold him up to a higher standard of respect for you and this relationships and it will be time to set some tough boundries, on your part. But realize, your boyfriend will make his own choices. If he makes a choice you do not like, you will need to take a hard look at the differences you both have in the values you hold. The you will need to decide whether you can live with them. I wish you well, dear and give this time to get sorted out before jumping to conclusions. Take care and good luck.
A
female
reader, May +, writes (30 November 2005):
Ex's have a horrible habit of rearing their ugly heads. If he stops saying things like she is hassling him and he talks about the good times then you can start worrying.
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