A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for nearly a year now and I usually spend all weekend at his house. I occasionally see him during the week but we both work so it is sometimes difficult, if we dont see each other we will be in touch in some way every day. He split up with his previous girlfriend when she went back to australia to look after her mum in the summer of 2007, it was a mutual split and they agreed to be friends. They had been living together and she left a lot of her belongings behind and she has now contacted my boyfriend to say she is coming to england to collect it all next week. She is going to be staying at my boyfriend's house as she has no other friends/relatives in this area and my boyfriend has now said to me that to save complicating things he thinks it would be best if i didnt go round while she is here and had minimal contact with him. I know I should trust him and it maybe would be awkward if I were there at the same time but I am a bit annoyed that he doesnt seem to want her to even know about me. She needs to understand that it has been a long time since they split up and he has moved on with his life, just like I imagine she has in australia. I should maybe try not to make a big deal out of it but I am worried that while they are spending time together they may develop feelings again, and if she doesnt know about me she has no reason to stop herself, my main concern being maybe that is what my boyfriend wants! Am I just been paranoid or is the way he is behaving something to worry about?
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female
reader, natasia +, writes (12 November 2008):
 Really glad it turned out like that, and that talking sorted it out. TO ALL OF US WOMEN: LET THIS BE A LESSON! It looked pretty much to all of us that he was UP to something, but in fact he was just being useless, and it meant nothing.
We should never forget how entirely different to us men are ; )
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2008): Dear Poster
I am very happy for you and hope all is going well. Always remember, COMMUNICATION is vital.
Best wishes; please keep us posted.
Lots of hugs and SMILES.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2008): That's brilliant to hear, hun :) Best wishes xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2008): Am happy for you!Keep smiling.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah i spoke to him and told him how i felt and he agreed it wasnt a good idea to have her there and that he just went along with her idea at the time, without really thinking. I have said I dont mind if im not there when she goes round, got to give him abit of trust i suppose!
She has arrived now and is booked into a nearby hotel, much to my relief, and whats more she is only staying for 4 days now instead of the week as she first said!
I actually think some good has come of it in the end, as we had a massive heart to heart over it and i think our true feelings came out. Still cant wait for her to be out of the country and out of his life for good!! But for now knowing that he is faithful and nothing will go on between them will do me =)
Many thanks for all the advice x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2008): Any update, OP? Have you spoken to your bf about it yet?
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (30 October 2008):
 No, he should not exclude you and in doing so, he is indicicating that he plans to have one more little fling with her while she's here. I would be very interested in knowing why he suddenly thinks it's not such a good idea for you to be around, unless of course she thinks they've got some kind of long-distance relationship going and he's led her to believe he's not seeing anyone else hoping she'll want him back. The whole thing is not a good sign. First of all, he could've mailed her all her things. There's no reason for her to come all this way to collect them. Sit him down and nicely tell him, you plan to stay with him that week-end. If he freaks out, you'll have your answer and it may be time to look for another boyfriend.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionsorry maybe i didnt write that very clearly, they didnt split up because she went to look after her mum, they did try to continue a long distance relationship at first because the original plan was that she would be coming back to enlgand after a couple of months but then she decided she needed to stay longer and tried to get him to move out there with her but he didnt want to, me and him had started chatting as friends at this point. He then went to australia to see her for a few weeks but when he got back admitted to me that he didnt feel the same about her anymore, and he wasnt actually missing her, which he felt he should be. He even said he was enjoying life better without her around and liked spending time with me and thats when they decided to end it. I have seen the conversations between them on msn and text messages that he has shown me so yes I am 100% sure that they did actually split up
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2008): Why on earth should you have to hide away? I would tell him that I would act no differently to the way in which I acted normally if I were you.Tell him you're unhappy with it, and don't let him pretend you don't exist for the week.
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (29 October 2008):
You don't split up with someone because you're needed to look after your mother. You do it because you don't want to be with them.
I don't want to be alarmist, but are you SURE she knows he's split up with her?? Are you sure he hasn't been continuing a long-distance relationship with her? I know it might sound astonishing, but some men are like that.
I would be v suspicious that he doesn't want to 'complicate' things - with what? Your existence?? No. Something is wrong here. Talk to him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2008): Women have this uncanny sixth instinct when it comes to their men.Why would he need to hide you?A year is long enough to acknowledge a relationship.A cotton near a fire cannot remain with out catching fire.Exes in close proximity is not good news.I have a gut feeling that something is not right over here.Talk to him.Check if he is looking at your eyes when he's explaining things to you.They split as friends.No hard feelings right.There is always a soft corner for the EX in such cases.Sometimes when a cat closes its eyes it thinks the entire world has gone dark.Please don't be the cat.Keep your eyes and brains wide awake.Always remember you should never be the second best.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2008): Dear Poster
I think you have reason to be concerned and to be unhappy. I think it is unfair and unrealistic from him to make such a request. I personally think you should discuss this with him. Talk to him and tell him how you feel and why you feel like that. It does sound absurd that this girl should not know about you or meet you. In fact if all was above board and his intentions good; he should want you around. No this guy is up to something. I don't think you should get yourself all upset and miserable; talk to him and take it from there; but don't agree to stay away, no, then he has a different agenda. Don't let him play you for the fool; if he is hoping to have a good time with his ex(for old time sake or to rekindle)you don't have to hang in the back ground waiting; no then you can find better things and people to keep yourself busy with.
I think you must talk to him and then take stock about the future of this relationship.
Best wishes and please keep us posted.
Lots of smiles.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2008): dont worry its just men for ya he is probably just worried if she found out about you and what she might do to ya but who knows
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