A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi, me and my boyfriend have finished it has been hard from day one but we have been though so much. it all started a few months into our relationship, his ex kept emailing me saying she was still with him, and then it was he was still with his baby's mother. when i asked him about all this he explained what she was like so i decided to go and see her. when i did this she just made up more lies, (well what i thought was lies), we then decied to ignore her and carry on with our relationship. his ex didn't give up she kept emailing me him and his babies mother, she even use to sit outside my house to see if he was in there with me and phoned his house a few time pretending to be me. i couldnt stand this no more and understood he had a baby and that his baby's mother would always be in his life but couldnt stand another girl being in it to. we then broke up and i hated it i found it so hard all i did was cry, he then came to see me and we got back together. everything was perfect again for a few months and then his ex got back involved she started emailing him and me again. i thought i could deal with this as i loved him and wanted to be with him so ignored it again. but when i went out to town or out with the girls and even work people kept asking me if i was still with him and that he was back with his babies mother. i confronted him about this and he said it was all lies, but then when i went on facebook he was in a relationship with her and had deleted me off there. again i asked him about this and he said that his babies mother didnt know about us and is just scared that he going to take the baby to see me and she will get confused. again i understood this and just thought hes with me and as long as i know this and he does it doesnt matter what anyone else thinks. again it was fine for a while but people kept coming up to me and his ex kept emailing me and him, and he started seeing me less and less, we stoped going places although he went places with his his babies mother and we started arguing again. then about a week ago he ended it with me, i found out he was emailing his ex back and talking to her even though she was doing all this to me and his babies mother. i am still in contact with him and do still love him, although people keep telling me i dont deserve what he put me though and that i deserve so much better, i still love him and still wait round for his phone calls and texts. i keep telling myself theres still a chance even though there isnt.its really getting me down as we are acting as if we are still together and he is still telling me he loves me and misses me but we aren't together. i have tried less contact but all i seem to do is cry. please can anyone suggest something to help me please cant stand feeling like this, im so confused ?
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female
reader, chocoholicforever  +, writes (11 May 2011):
sorry to hear what you've had to go through. Your boyfriend sounds like a very confused person. He either doesn't know what he wants, can't make a decision and stick with it, or else he has zero boundaries. (people who have no boundaries tend to be haphazard in their behavior because they're able to be influenced by others who have stronger wills). He has three women in his life - you, his ex and his baby's mother. Apparently he has zero boundaries with all three of you. So when he's with you he feels that he's truly 'with' you. But when he's with his baby's mom then it's the same with her. Then he caves in to his ex's pressure.
You really should move on from him. You can do it. You've shown that you're the strong one here, he's the weak one. even if he says he loves you and misses you, it could very well be true but that doesn't change the fact that he is probably saying that to the other two women in his life too because he can't sort himself out. As long as he's still a mess, there's nothing you can do about it so to save your own sanity you should try to move on from him. Just tell yourself that the other women certainly aren't getting a fair treatment from him either.
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