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female
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anonymous
writes: I have been with my partner for 3 years now and we live together. He broke up with his ex 7 years ago who he has two children with and I have one from a previous relationship. My partner and his ex have been constantly arguing week in week out, on the phone etc: she even rang him at 2 am in the morning when he was in bed with me and he got up and had a 2 hour argument calling each other childish names and swearing. She recently moved to Japan and left her children on our doorstep which has upset them badly. She visits three or four times a year to see her children but there is a pattern because whenever they argue my boyfriend doesnt speak to me at all and gets very moody and goes to bed for hours on end. What have I done, I have their children most of the time whilst my partners at work and she's living the life of luxury abroad. Then to put the icing on the cake, when ever she is in the uk or if they have contact, he goes all mardy and hostile towards me. Its christmas coming up and i know that she is visiting to see her children. I am worried. help
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt has settled down alot now. He proposed to me on Christmas day and I said yes the wedding is in July. I know that it is wrong but I finally had it all out with him and he says that he now realises what agony he has caused for me in the past regarding this situation and is deeply sorry, he said that she always tried to play games with him and use the children as a weapon and he didnt mean to get at me but he almost tried to win one over her all the time because he hates her so much but he realises that he shouldnt have done that. I never knew what to think but recently when she was in the uk after she found out that we were getting married then she made a few nasty comments telling me that he proposed to marry her and it never happend in front of him, (even my partners parents say that is not true) she was really bitchie towards him telling me things that he was supposed to of done to her in the past. I could never understand why he flipped his lid on her all those times but she always has something nasty or vindictive to say. He always said that she was a nasty person towards him but I had never seen it with my own eyes. What I am saying is that she must have put him in a difficult situation and she knew it. Now when she starts he doesnt respond, she doesnt contact him anymore. He says that he has realised that our relationship is worth more than a lifetime of being with her and looking back, they should have split up alot earlier than they did. he says that he has never wanted her back and even if i try and talk about it, he says it water under the bridge and he doesnt care about her life etc anymore. The children are really happy here and they are over the moon about the wedding. Despite the bitter beginning of the relationship, he is a good man. Just needed to let the storm die down
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthankyou
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2006): wow- You need to be better off than involved in their drama. Id say dump him, let him figure it out on his own and take your kid and go. Obviously this guy is having problems if hes still speaking to his ex and he has her kids and it gets in the way of you living a comfortable life with him. It sounds like you need to get away from this guy for a while-if he is talking childish and being immature in his phone conversations with another woman. That woman could be you- learn from his ex and do what is best for you and your kid. This isnt good for your kid to see and its not good for his kids either.
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