| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: I recently became engaged to my boyfriend. We have been in a relationship for three years. He is a wonderful person and treats me like a queen for the most part. I have one concern about marrying him. His ex-wife still seems to be able to get under his skin. So much so that when her name is even mentioned he gets really upset and shuts down. He doesn't want to talk to me about anything when her name is mentioned. We have had heated discussions about his reactions to her. On one occasion he got mad at me for nothing I had done but because he had a bad discussion with her and I got the aftermath of their argument. He started to blame me for things that had nothing to do with me and started to put me down for no reason. He later apologized for his behavior and admitted that he really was upset with something his ex-wife has said and done. They have two children together and have been divorced for twelve years. He is a wonderful and loving father to his children and provides financial support to his ex-wife. His oldest child is grown and out on her own. However, their youngest child is seventeen and in her last year of high school. He still provides support for the youngest child. No problem with that. I believe his ex-wife is still in love with him and refuses to move on with her life. I believe she is still holding out for him to return to her because she has not dated in twelve years. She understands his commitment to his children and uses that to get her way. What I can't understand is why he allows her to still upset him after all this time. She calls him frequently about his daughter and relies on him for everything. He respects his ex-wife because she is the mother of his children and loves his children dearly. I don't think after all this time though that she should be able to manipulate him the way she does. I have serious reservations about marrying a man who can be so influenced negatively by his ex-wife. He has refused to talk to me on occasion because he is so upset about a conversation that they have had. Over the twelve year period I would have hoped that by now he would acknowledge that she may not change and that she would not let her affect him negatively. If I marry this man, I don't want to deal with the emotional seesaw whenever his ex-wife calls or we come in contact with her. Is he really ready to get married when his ex-wife still has such control over him?
View related questions:
divorce, engaged, ex-wife, his ex, move on, period Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2006): After reading your question, i had to do a double take to see if i had written it. You see I am in exactly the same position. Which hopefully is some comfort, that there is someone like you. It is really hard,but if you love him and he is really nice to you, you should hold on to him. I have had many arguments with my partner,over his ex wife. She is brilliant at making him feel guilty, no matter what he does for the family. She also refuses to move on, and start life again. But you should feel sorry for her really, and dont let her come between you both. She is a very sad person, and if you do marry, well wont that tell her that there is no going back.good luck, im sure it will work out......
|
