A
female
age
41-50,
*elissa2001
writes:My boyfriend and i have talked about getting married. i know he has bought me a ring. we have never loved anyone like we love eachother. Sometimes we find we have a problem with eachothers past. like who we have been with or what not. we each had a pretty bad past. luckily for me i didn't have any kids. he did. now he has to live with it. only the problem is his daughter won't call him or when it is his weekend she always calls (and only then) to try to get out of it. at 1st i told him to have her over. he wants to see her. he hurts every time they hang up the phone or she is over. when she is here she wont' leave her room. that is only one of the problems we have with her. he asks me what i think we should do, but i don't know what to tell him. Can you help me??? My boyfriend is such a great guy. we have now been finding his daughter lying and minipulating him like his x-wife used to do. His daughter is 15. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, melissa2001 +, writes (3 December 2007):
melissa2001 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have just recently spoken with him, we have come up with an idea. he is 38. and was with his x for 20 years. she had him from the start. he was pretty much talked into getting married to her. believe me, i can't even tell you how much he hurts. when we got a place together, he was afraid to do anything here. he was afraid i would yell at him and he was doing it all wrong. i have recently gotten him to believe in himself. see himself as someone, not as something. but see his daughter has been like this the whole time. even when he was there. she would never go see dad for anything. dad had to be the person to make the rules. see her mom has issues. serious issues. they have her on meds to just keep her half normal. but she gets her way all the time. and it really sickens me to know how she had the kid with him... and it hurts me to know there are people out there getting abused like that. As for his daughter she don't want to even call him. she keeps saying that i'm so nice and she really likes me. but she sure does have a weird way to show it. the daughter even knew something was wrong with the situation and that is why he got out. but now her and her mom are just alike. we don't let it hurt our relationship. i keep reminding him what we have now. and how it is better. and i love him for him. we decided we are gonna sit her down, him and i. have a chat with her. tell her the door is open, if she wants to come she can. but we are not gonna make her. and i'm gonna tell her i'm here to stay. i love her dad and i'm not gonna hurt him. then it is her choice. He tries to be the father but he can't becuz of the situation.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2007): Oh, i so know what you are going through. These kids seems to of been bred in hell! But you have to try and see things from her point of view. There used to be a mam and dad and now that has all split up. Despite what he may say, he must of loved her in the past and even though it is fantastic now, there was a time when he was part of a happy family set up. How old is he? How long was he with his ex as a family? All these things play a part. She will be mixed up with hormones too at that age. Would it be better if she spent some time with just her dad, maybe she just wants some quality time with him. Can you not suggest going out for meal together. Not easy because she will be twisted inside and wanting to cause mayhem. Dont worry you are not alone, i have been through worse than this in the past. I was glad when the daughter moved out. She will go everything in the book to lie and stir things up. Have a talk with your bloke and have a united front when it comes to this little miss. Make sure that you are both on the same wavelength and dont let her come between the two of you. I hope you can find some peaceful ground. It isnt an easy situation so take each day as it comes.
take care
xx
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