A
female
age
30-35,
*iratewench
writes:I have been dating my boyfriend now for 3 years. He was 19 when we started dating, I was 18. He lived with his dad and after he lost his job and started working for him, his dad started to get very controlling of him. He gave him a curfew and set time limits to us hanging out. He would have to approve him staying the night in advance and put him under house arrest if he didnt comply. I put up with all of the rediculousness during the years of our life that were supposed to be spent being free and doing what we wanted. After two years of putting up with this and it almost destroying our relationship he finally decided to move out of his dads. Since then he has been trying to finish his associates at the community college and is still working for his dad. Im now in the position of wanting to move to find more work in my career field, we would be moving a state away. our lease is up and you would think there would be nothing stopping us...wrong. He was planning on selling his car so we would have the money to make the move, but even though he bought the car the title is in his dads name and now he is telling him that he wont release the title untill he finnishes his associates, he also wont pay for his school unless it is here! He has put my boyfriend in the situation where he has to chose between me and school, one that I cannt plan on winning. I know that if he came with me we could make the school thing work...it might take longer but in my mind its a small price to pay to get to be with the one you love. I know this is a little selfish on my part but he is just sitting back and letting his dad control not only his life but mine now too. Ive had it and I dont want his dad to win this time. How do I make my boyfriend understand that if he doesnt break away now he will forever be controlled by this man!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2010): I could understand his position. He may feel like if he disobeys his dad then he is being ungrateful for everything that his father has done. I disagree with you that you think that the school thing may take longer is a small price to pay. I think it is a huge price to pay especially in this age where every occupation is getting hard to get into. You may not get it, but if you "loved him" then you would wait for him to finish school and finally be ready to move out. You guys are still young and still have the rest of your lives to live together.
-anon. age 22
A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (12 August 2010):
 Yep this is tricky!! I think if this guy really loves you ultimately that will be the thing to make him break away. As hard as this will be for you I think you need to get on and move away and do the long distance thing. It will sort the men from the boys so to speak. He will either miss you like crazy and move hell on earth to be with you or he will stay weak and pathetic and stuck under his father's thumb and you will part ways. If the latter happens you need to question whether you really wanted to be a guy like that for life anyway.
Good luck doll I hope this all works out for you.
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A
female
reader, Oregongrl1 +, writes (11 August 2010):
Question! does his dad like you? because if he doesn't? that could be the reason why he's making his son pay so dearly for his rudeness and unfairness. but your boyfriend is a man now too! where he can make his own choices hes using his dad as a crutch because he doesn't know how to get out on his own. whether you want to believe it or not? and as far as his father controling you you are allowing it as well. the man doesn't own either one of you when you have children and they become of age thats when they fly out of their nest! and figure out how to become a man and make good choices for their life! so your boyfriend just needs to buckle up and do it let go of his father! and for you, if he doesn't. i would be making plans for myself and moving on....
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