A
female
age
41-50,
*ennyHC4
writes:I'm 33, and my husband's 35.I was off work yesterday and cleaning the house to make it look nice, since we have guests coming over at the weekend.Our house looked sparkling, and still does now.I was shocked however to discover DVDs hidden behind the bookcase, in the magazine racks, and under the beds (about 20 copies of various magazines under the spare room bed!) in our house with titles like"Straight Latino Street Thugs" (?), "Boyz in the Crib",and magazines such as Freshmen (?), Blueboy (?), Attitude magazine (?) and AXM (?) - the question marks mean I have no idea what those magazines and DVDs are.All I can glean from them is they are of some pornographic or semi-pornographic content. I've no idea what the magazines or DVDs are about, but the content is questionable.I confronted him about them, showed him what I found, but he refused to discuss them with me, saying "My private life is my private life!"I was asking in a sensitive, calm, manner trying not to get angry but he still wouldn't discuss it.I wonder if there is any hope for our marriage. There was nothing in our relationship to suggest any problems, our sex life was good, we could talk about most issues - but this one he just will not discuss.It doesn't seem like there's another woman involved, so I can rule that cause out, but I do worry. I don't think he's gay either, as he hasn't shown any sexual interest in men (although when watching TV he does go on obsessively about other men's biceps!) so where could our relationship have gone wrong?I'd appreciate all the help I can get, as I've tried, and the situation has come to a head, and I've got nowhere.Jenny (33 years old)
View related questions:
porn, sex life, spark Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2009): Refusing to discuss marital problems is unacceptable and actually you have every right to ask why your husband / partner is viewing gay material. By blocking you in this way demonstrates there are some pretty big issues going on behind the scenes. I would not let this rest. If you can, check his computer / email / phone and keep an eye on things. I don't want to appear alarmist but this may be a fantasy (he may be experimenting to be bi-sexual) or he may be not telling you the truth about being gay. Couples with a healthy sexual relationship who watch porn tend to be reasonably open about it. Hiding it means quite literally he has something to hide. As I say - don't think you can let this one go for your own sake...
A
female
reader, rambini +, writes (17 April 2009):
 I think it is made slightly more concerning by the fact that these are gay porn? that to me would worry me more than finding hetero porn. It puts you in a difficult position if he wont talk about it, as ultimately you can't force him to. maybe you could try talking to him again and explain that you are not mad at him, and you are not having a go at him but you just want to understand. to be honest if he wont talk to you there is little hope for your marriage anyway irrespective of the porn, as without trust and confidence the integrity of your marriage is compromised. I wish you the very best of luck, and i am very sorry you are in this situation xxxxxx
...............................
A
male
reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (17 April 2009):
 I think he's not going to compromise with you on this one and I think that there's not much you can do if he is looking at GAY porn (which lets be honest it blatantly is)
Either stay with him and let him keep his porn collection, or tell him that it is not acceptable that he has this "personal life" that he has kept secret from you and leave him.
...............................
A
female
reader, kellyxxx +, writes (17 April 2009):
 Well to be honest it doesn't seem as if there is hope for your marriage! Couples aren't supposed to have private lives! They are supposed to be each others private lives! X
...............................
|
