A
female
age
36-40,
*lyoung
writes:Hi thereMy boyfriend suffered from depression for a few months and was subsequently put on sertraline. While he was on it we had an active sex life, however he had difficulty maintaining an erection and achieving orgasm. He also was unable to sleep properly, his concentration levels were very bad and he said he felt like a zombie.He gradually came off of them and has not been taking them for around three months or so. Everything was fine at first, he was starting to feel like himself again, however, a couple of weeks after - his libido took a nose dive and now he's not very interested in sex. He is very open about this with me and tells me how much it effects him.I would really love some advice, as this is greatly affecting me as well. I know the problem has nothing to do with me, he has made this clear - but I can't help but feel so undesired and unwanted.This has been going on for about two months now and I'm really going out my mind.Would appreciate any advice you could give me.Thanks,K :)
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erection, libido, orgasm, sex life Reply to this Question
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female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (4 October 2011):
 It can take a LONG time for the body to detox from the medication effects. Even if he is no longer taking the med, the body chemistry still needs to adjust to new levels.
Encourage him to seek a Urologist who can check his hormone levels. If he is talking to you about this situation-then he is being open and honest.
Keep in mind-he is NOT rejecting you sexually if he has no desire. If ALL affection has gone out of the door-it is ok to talk to him that you still need kissing, touching, etc to feel connected as a couple. No affection at all can kill a relationship with a swift death.
This is an illness. If he had something like cancer and had no drive-you would need to be patient. I doubt his condition is permanent. So, take a deep breath and take baby steps with your partner to get both your needs met. Your sexual needs might need to put on hold a little while longer.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2011): Well, I hope he gets well and hopefully his therapy helps.
Unfortunately major depressive disorder is a chronic illness with no cure. Some people do not require medication if they learn the proper means of caring for themselves, the warning signs of relapse, and the triggers that can cause relapse. Even at the best of times depression can still play a role in certain things, which is why it is good to have professional assitance. :)
I think he is fortunate to have someone who cares so much and that he feels comfortable speaking with. Not everyone has that.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2011): The only medical advice I can give for him is to switch to another medication after consulting his doctor, namely: Bupropion (wellbutrin) which is the anti depressant of choice for patients who suffer from dysfunctional sex such as erectile dysfunction and decreased libido as a side effect of other anti depressants. This drug has minimal sexual side effects comparing with the other antidepressant medications like SSRI, the one your bf was taking. I wish him quick recovery.
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A
female
reader, klyoung +, writes (3 October 2011):
klyoung is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for all of your replies, I really appreciate it :)Just to clarify, he is no longer on any antidepressants - it has been about three months since he stopped taking them. The side effects he experienced put him off. This is why I am so confused, because at first it was the medication that was sometimes affecting his abilty to maintain an erection and so on....But now he is now longer on them, so at times I get a bit paranoid that I might be the problem. However, I know this isn't true, it's just very hard sometimes. Apart from the lack of sex, everything else in the relationship is amazing.He has been to the doctors about this problem, but to be honest they have been no help at all - even going as far as trying to put him back on a higher dosage antidepressants, even though he stated that sertraline had only made him feel worse. He did ask to go and see a counsellor (instead of taking medication) to deal with his previous bout of depression, and he's been going for about three weeks now. I love him to absolute bits and I so appreciate that he is completely open with me about this problem. He never clams up or ignores it - it's very encouraging that he feels confident that he can share this with me.I just can't help feeling so undesired sometimes though, especially since we were having sex a lot before his libido dropped. Btw, he's 28.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (3 October 2011):
 the sexual side effect of this drug can still be present a long time after stopping the medication, even years. maybe he is feeling depressed again after stopping the medication, in which case this could be the reason he is not into sex at the moment. but his sex problem could even be caused by something unrelated to the drug or his depression. he should see his doctor for advice and treatment. in the meantime you can help him by not taking this problem personally. learn about erectile dysfunction in depression and this will help you to understand that it is not always anything to do with how a man feels about his partnerx
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2011): Hello,
Well, I have bipolar disorder (which has a lot of depression in it,) and I know meds can really play with your mind sometimes. My suggestion is that he see his psychiatrist if he has one, (or get one if he doesn't.) Psychiatrists are more versed in the medical side of mental illness, and are more knowledgable with the meds than a primary care doctor would be. Also he should get into some talk therapy if he hasn't already. You'd be amazed how much talk therapy can help, even if you just go when you're feeling like things are unravelling.
I'm thinking those meds are not good for him. Feeling like a zombie, inability to hold an errection, etc. all sound like negative side effects that disrupt his life. So he should tell his doctor ASAP when that happens. Sadly it can take a long time to find the right med that works. (For example, for bipolar disorder there are approximately 400 combinations of meds! .) And depression itself is actually a chemical disruption in the brain, so it does effect you physically as well as mentally. Depression can really destroy your libido even when you're not feeling overly depressed.
And I know it is hard, but it really isn't you. In fact, just your statement that he is open with you is an amazing sign that he loves you and does want you. It's like his brain is attacking him on the inside and it is really hard to fight that alone. It is very common with people who have mental illness to not share the battle because so many people give them the "it's all in your head/fake" speach.
So have him see his doctor and hang in there! I know it isn't easy!
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A
male
reader, Daniel the love doctor +, writes (3 October 2011):
 I agree with Aunt Honesty. He should definitely see a physician, more specifically a Urologist about this problem.And yes, anti-depressants can have side effects that can damage a person's libido/sex drive. But there are things that he can do to reverse the problem...and I cover some things that that may be beneficial for him here in this article: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/guys-what-to-do-if-youre-suffering-from.htmlHope this helps! :^)
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (3 October 2011):
 I understand why you feel the way that you do. You don't specify what age he is. But I really think he needs to go to a doctor about this problem. It will probably take a while for his body to come back to normal. Tell him he really needs to think about going to a doctor. just to get checked out. Good luck.
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