A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend never seems to understand why I get frustrated when he is constantly late to meet me somewhere etc. It may seem like I pick at little things but I'm not just talking minutes late, I'm talking hours. Now, I'm certain that he loves me, and when we're together it's fantastic. I just feel like he's not that bothered about seeing me. He's very laid back, always apologises and tries hard to make it up to me to the point where I feel guilty. Am I unreasonable? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Supersassygirl  +, writes (2 October 2010):
 Being hours late regularly is not acceptable. It shows disrespect and is plain rude. I dated a man who was never on time, and it finally sent me over the edge. You should tell him that this is intolerable and he needs to be more accountable for your time. What is he doing that is so important that he does this consistently?
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (2 October 2010):
 How does he make it up to you? By being there on time 50% of the time instead of 0%?
Sorry for the sarcasm, but how exactly does he make it up to you to the point of your feeling guilty and then CONTINUES to be late? Does he not own a watch?
Then again, if this is the only bothersome thing he does, and you love him, let it be your proof of love to him and not complain about it.
But, maybe make a personal 30 minute deadline. If he's not there in 30 min after you agreed to meet, move on to something else and have him show up only to not find you there. Then he can be the one waiting. But don't make more of a deal out of it than that, don't argue it to death. Keep it simple. If he's not there within those 30 minutes, move on. End of story. And then hold no grudges. Some people just can't keep track of time, but it is unreasonable to expect you to wait for hours.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2010): Your time is very important ok? So your request isn't unreasonable by a long shot. Don't look at this issue as being YOUR problem...it's HIS. So from this point on, don't argue with him about it, don't nag him and don't keep reminding him about being on time for dates and outings. What you do the next time is this: wait about 30 mins and if he doesn't show up, find something else to do. Even if you decide to stay at home and watch t.v or paint your toe nails. If he calls you, just tell him that you will have to reschedule the date another time and that you understand why he was running late. Tell him that you have made other plans and that you hope he enjoys the rest of his day. Don't have an attitude, be happy and upbeat about the situation. Believe me, he will stop this behavior sooner rather than later. Don't be afraid that he won't talk to you, don't be afraid he will cheat on you or do something stupid because, if he doesn't, it just means he is a complete idiot that you don't need around anyways. Don't be ruled by emotions and feelings, rather by logic. You have to teach a person how to treat you and respect the boundaries you have set for yourself. He knows his habit of being late is bothering you and he may be getting a kick out of it. If you follow the current advice I gave you, think positive and don't think the worse things will look up for you. Keep us posted.
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A
male
reader, The old Man? +, writes (2 October 2010):
 No, you're not unreasonable.
What he is doing is very disrespectful. His "making it up to you" is being manipulative. He is showing you that he can do whatever he wants, and you will sit there and take it.
I'm betting that whenever he wants you to be somewhere, you're right there on the spot.
He has you Right where he wants you. So long as you let him walk all over you and show total disregard for your feelings, wants and needs, it will only get worse.
Do you ever wonder what he's doing while he's an hour or so late?? Hey, he knows EXACTLY where you are.....
Right where he wants you!
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