A
male
age
30-35,
*atbat66
writes:hi im 14 ad gay and need helpfirst i hate my family there so stubornim gay and haven't came outa group people at school always bug me say ur gay bla bla even thow i havent said im gay yetthen i love this boy but he has started dressing up as a girl. even thow i love him i cant seem to tell him but im not shore i love him any more because he dresses up a girl. he asked me out last year but i didnt have the guts to say yes.i hate my self i had a secrut boyfriend who tried to kill him self because he doesn't wont to be gay. and hates me because he yoused me for s3x then went out with this gilr. (lol i broke them up because he youed me)then when i was up set i met this person online who turned out to be 24 and we met and one thing led to another. and the next day he wouldn't talk to me.i told my mum im gay and she was ok with it but when i ask her about my problems she doesnt now wt to do because im gay so my lifes crapplz help me im lost Reply to this Question
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female
reader, supernatural497  +, writes (11 April 2008):
 Ok well I think you should just comeout and if people dont like it forget them they are just living in the past when being gay was suposively bad which its not. Well so what he dresses like a girl I know alot of people who dress like that. Well I really dont know how he dresses so im really not so sure about that. But if he asked you out you should of went out with him. ask him out. And that is really cool your mom is cool with it.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2008): Wow... you aren't sounding too optimistic! Look dude, you're 14. You are supposed to be lost. Everyone around you, gay or straight, is trying to figure out what the hell is going on. You think you need help? I don't know if you're gay, but if you are, you need to put this in context. As usual, there is good news and there is bad news.
For some reason, unbeknownst to me, people have really negative views of homosexuals right now. It hasn't always been that way and it won't be like that forever. People over the world are trying to understand homosexuality and the longer you make it, the more we will all understand. What do we understand? First off, you aren't a freak. Nature has been producing homosexuals in human, dog, and frog form for a long time. It's apparent in all animals, plants, all cultures, and all types of people. Scientists think that maybe women only make a certain number of heterosexual males in order to control competition between alpha males. Who knows? The important thing is that a lot of people are beginning to realize that there is a good reason for homosexuality and nature would stop making them if it didn't make sense. You are a product of nature and nature moves REALLY slowly in order not to make mistakes. You are not a mistake.
The bad news is that a lot of people don't understand this. They see their own world, particularly at your age, and are trying to make their own identity. When they see someone different, by alienating you, they give themselves a better identity. It's not that you're gay, it's that you're different, and it's a opportunity for someone else to make themselves feel normal. The Greeks loved homosexuality. It was cool back then! It will probably be cool again someday. Unfortunately, today ain't your day. But you need to realize that you can't take it personally. You are who you are, you can't change, you have to accept it and move.
If people need to justify themselves by picking on you, that's their problem. What's the good news? There is a bright light at the end of the tunnel. You're going to become a man soon and you can be in control of your own life. You can go where you want and be with who you want. But, you have a lot to learn before that. You have to focus on what you need to accomplish first. You have to get an education, you have to learn how to take care of yourself, be employable, and then you're free! You can go to a posh part of London where there are tons of people just like you and you will be normal. Go to San Francisco, Wash DC, Amsterdam, Paris, there are tons of great places where you won't find people who want to make themselves feel better by putting you down.
I know you feel trapped and alone. But, a lot of that is just normal 14 year old feelings. It's just a little more complicated for you because you're different, not just different but special. You don't see that now, but it's better to be different because people who are different are the same people that change the world.
Because homosexual is so culturally disapproved of right now, it has pushed a lot of behavior into darkness. People do weird things because they have to be anonymous and it leads to nasty guys doing nasty things to you. It's the same with prostitution and the war on drugs. We don't talk about them, we don't permit them, so when it happens, it can be ugly. But, if you can make it long enough to get your independence, you can make it somewhere that people live open and honest lives. If you can find these places, you will be a lot more likely to find a guy that likes you for who you are, doesn't want anything weird from you, and with whom you can have a healthy relationship.
Don't ever say you hate yourself. It doesn't help and it's not true. It's only going to make your problems worse. In the end, if you aren't supporting yourself, no one else will either. You have a long time to have sex with people and to experiment to find out what you like. If you're gay now, you'll be gay 10 years from now and figure it out then. But you don't have a long time to accomplish what you need to accomplish right now and be free of this "trapped" feeling.
You want help? Focus on what you need to be focusing on right now. It's not relationships and not boy drama, it's your independence. It's you being able to be in control, say yes to who you want to say yes to, no to who you want to say no to, and being able to keep away from people who want to take advantage of you or put you down because of their own insecurities. So, keep your head down, work hard, ignore the haters, don't get involved with people who are trying to screw you, and you will get through the hardest part of anyone's life: being a teenager.
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