A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have a friendship with a man. We were almost an item but it didn't work out but we have continued to see each other for dinners etc (but not FWB). We get on fine so there's no problem. I have my own business and he is looking to change his life a bit. As we work in the same industry, I have offered him to get involved a bit with what I do and to create his own side of things (it's in tourism) so that he deals with his own customers etc - for me it is taking a bit chance on someone but I have seen him in action and is work is excellent. The problem is that he can be unreliable in the friendship (like cancelling at the last minute, always changing arrangements and (I'm almost ashamed to relate this) I have caught him out a few times i.e. lying when it is really not necessary). Last week we arranged to meet up for the evening to talk everything out and were going to have dinner at his place. He called to say the central heating wasn't working and we should meet outside. We went to a restaurant at 7pm and at 8h30 he said he had to leave because he was very tired and was working early the next morning. So we didn't get a chance to talk about anything much. We arranged to meet on Wednesday at my place and he again called to say his boss had asked him to work that day and that he had said yes. So we changed it to Friday at 11am - he called to say that the guy was sorting out his central heating and he eventually arrived at 1pm. He then says he has to leave early as he has got his children coming in the evening (he is divorced). Previously he told me had no commitments on Friday. I was going to make us both lunch but I was so irritated that I just made sandwiches so that we would have more time to talk about the business. He agreed that he would go away and translate various documents into French (the idea being that he would take the french clients). Now ten days later he has done nothing. I sent him an email and as usual, excuses. Of course, I know the answer to my own question but this guy is so good at the work he does that there really is no-one better. However, I think the stress of dealing with him will negate any benefits. How should I tell him that I have changed my mind without spoiling the friendship?
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female
reader, boo22 +, writes (28 February 2010):
 Hi, If you really can't work with him just tell him straight.
Tell him all the things you've told us in a calm unbothered way, like you were relating a story about someone else.
Tell him, it's not personal but you can't work like this.
If on the other hand his work is as good as you say and he would benefit the business and he doesn't have to work to deadlines then change your own behaviour and let it all go over your head.
I used to work with someone just like you describe and it used to drive me crazy. If you can't change him then change yourself.
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