A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My daughter's dad and I have been broken up for almost a year. I made the decision to leave. The environment and surroundings for my daughter and I became sour when he decided to go outside of our relationship. My entire stress level has increased to another level of a new prescription of a drug. My college loans had to be put on the back burner because the common bills such as electricity, rent, car notes, car insurance, daycare, food, clothes, shoes, etc. were more important. His income was just enough for his car and barely his car insurance. So therefore, I had no choice to fit the bill for the rest. As always, my needs were put last. I barely had enough for gas in my car. Anyhow, after almost a year, he wants me back. He wants to be apart of our lives again. He continues to text message, call, leave messages on my work phone, etc. I still love him however, I fear him hurting us again. I can't risk that. I gave him another chance however, on my terms. He wants to get married, move in together, have another child and whatever is to come forth with the family scenery. It has been a week since I last saw him. We had gotten into an argument because he decides out of the blue he wants his rights back (he gave up his rights as her father). I told him no. He had mentioned I made him do that. He volunteerly met me at the notary, signed his name on the dotted line and left with the words of FREEDOM!!! I AM FREE!!! I am starting to think he is up to something to get back at me. But I am giving him the benefit of the doubt. I have to trust him somewhere but I am being careful of what I am telling and saying to him. In this situation, what matters is my daughter's feelings in this. She is only two years old and I will not have him come in and out our lives especially, hers. I am still hurt by all this. What I am trying to ask is, I haven't heard from him in a week, should I just forget about him and move on?
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionphiatiger: Thanks, again.
I just don't understand why he's doing this to us. Maybe it's not for me to understand. I still love him but I will not allow him manipulate or take me on a guilt trip of what had occurred awhile back. I asked GOD for his forgiveness for what I had done and the things I have said to him. I admit my guilt but he is "wishy washy" with his decisions. Slowly but surely I am moving on with the grace of GOD on my side.
I know he'll try to come back into our lives once again. I have to stay strong.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2007): Im glad you didnt allow him to blame you for his troubles.
You have made the best choice for your daughter, its unfortunate that the other children are suffering because their dad is troubled at the moment. I guess there is nothing you can do about that though, lets hope that things get easier for him and then everyone will feel the benefit.
You must take time for yourself too, you will be no good to your daughter if you are drained both mentally and emotionally. It is important that you allow those around you to help, we all need it from time to time.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionphiatiger: He is going thru a lot in which he doesn't have to take it out on us. He is pointing his finger at me stating the majority of this is my fault. At first I started to believe it but finally, reality hit me. As a mother, I had to do what I had to do to protect the well being of my daughter and myself, legally and emotionally. I am emotionally strained out and don't forget, financially.
He is currently 39 with a lot he had lost and further more. I feel sorry for him. I feel more for his other two kids which their mother should fight to get them back.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2007): Hiya. I have to say that you seem like a very strong, sensible and protective parent - everything a mother should be. I feel you are well within your rights to tell him that he can't pick and choose when fatherhood suits him and tell him he needs to make serious adjustments to the way he deals with his daughter or that he needs to leave you both alone to get on with your lives.
You cant afford for her to become an unbalanced child and to have no memories as happy child because her dad was yo-yoing in and out of your lives. It would be much kinder to arrange access, if he lets her down, even once, then never again, until she is old enough to make the choice that she wants to see him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionPhiatiger: I do also believe, children should have both parents in their lives. However, her dad needs to realize if he having a bad day, he doesn't need to take it out on us. We are not the ones who made him have a bad day. I, too, have problems and issues because more because of this man, but do I take it out on him?
She sure does have the right to know her father however, not with the expense of him emotionally breaking her heart once again. I gave him another chance hoping things will change between the both of us andfor our daughters sake for the better unfortunately, he shows and showed no cause. Nothing but words and his actions weren't meeting his words.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your responses and advice. It has been rough as a single mother. I do thank GOD for blessing me with a great, loving family. I strongly do believe he will try to get back into our lives, again. He blames me for what has been broughten upon him such as, making him sign over his rights...in which he volunteerly did on his own, kicked off of base..in which his actions did all that, so I had to do what I had to do for our protection, etc. I just wish I could go back and not given him that chance.
Thank you all once again for your repsonses.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2007): To a point, its nice that he wants to be part of your lives again, but I fear that it is only because his life once your relationship ended didnt go to plan.
I believe that children should have both parents in their lives where possible, your daughter has a right to know her father, I don't believe in staying together for the sake of the children though and I dont think you should let this man walk in and out of your lives as he pleases.
Put yourself and your daughter first and be happy!
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