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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: My boyfriend is trying to get me to be dominant. But i hate that. I like being controlled in bed, and even outside of bed. He want's me to be on top. But i have a lot of self consious issues, and i really don't want to. But i want to make him as happy as i can, so what i am asking is any advice. I don't like the idea of the girl on top, its just not right to me. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, ruthyduthy  +, writes (29 June 2009):
Sexual confidence is the last thing you should be worrying about! The desire to be 'led' by others in your life leaves you very vulnerable, and and will never be a route to happiness. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life subject to someone else's whim? The issue here is your self confidence. When you fix this no man will have to tell you to take charge - you'll do it spontaneously because you want to, and it will feel wonderful. Work on your issues and you will become naturally more assertive as you progress. If your boyfriend can't accept this then maybe you should take a good long look at your relationship outside the bedroom
A
female
reader, jessica04  +, writes (3 April 2009):
 If you absolutely do not want to be on top, then you should not be pressured into it. Ask him why he doesn't seem to want you do enjoy yourself, since that is what will happen when you do things you are not used to or comfortable with.
On the other side of this issue, there are a few things that you can do to be "controlling" for him. Try a little bit of dirty talk, tell him very explicitly how you want things handled. Verbally guide him through sex so that he is doing things that please you. If he is performing oral, use your hands to guide his head around the way you like to be pleased.
From his point of view, he wants you to be dominant so that you will be in control to get your kicks too. To him, if you are in control of the situation then you are making sure that you are being satisfied. He really just wants to know that you are happy with him, and always pleased with the sex.
If you just are not into being the dominant one, then sit him down and tell him that you are pleased most when you are held in his arms, and that you trust him to please both of you each time because he has never failed before. It will give him a confidence boost, and hopefully get him to calm down about wanting you to be on top so much.
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