A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello,I´ve got this boyfriend for almost 4 years..we love each other, but I´m starting to feel we are different, event when I thought we are the same.. We fight in the recent time almost every day and I´m tired of it, he´s tired of it, we just don´t know how to continue.. The problem is, that he´s too independent..He has a lot of interests, that don´t include me and I don´t like them.We had plans to visit our favorite city in a month, where our friends live, so I didn´t go there for a birthday celebration of my good friend that was held last weekend..Because it´s not very close to our city and I don´t have that much money to go there twice a month. But yesterday my boyfriend told me, that he doesn´t want to go there the next month, because he wants to go skiing with his friends and it´s exactly the same time as our planned trip to the city. It really hurt me and I got mad, because he´s like this all the time...He goes with his friends for trips where they do their hobby but when we two have some planned trip, he cancels it almost everytime, because something "better and more useful" comes in his way..And he tells me: you have friends, go with them, don´t cling on me, it´s annyoing..But he doesn´t understand that I want some experiences also with hiM! Other couples that I know go for trips together all the time, they have a lot of things and memories to share..but when we are together, we are only at home, watching movies and cooking.. It´s not how I thought our relationship will be..It frustrates me, but I don´t want to break up, he´s my everything..but too independent..what should I do? thanks..
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2015): Hi, first I would like to point out that you said you do not want to break up and you obviously love him. You also said it frustrates you how he behaves, remember that no one wants to spend time with someone they are constantly arguing with, and you say your behaviour frustrates me, you live the responsibility of being happy or not frustrated into that persons hands, you is then taking care of his own frustrations. You have been together 4yrs so you obviously have some things in common, remember why you love about him and concentrate on that than pointing out what you don't, that will only make the shortcomings seem bigger than they are. You say he is too independent, I'm sure he hasn't suddenly become so, but have always been so, meaning you loved him for it at some point. Think about it, whi has changed, you or him, if so if a way to grow together people do. You need to talk without blaming each other or raising voices, just to remind each other that you love each other and where you are going as you grow, good luck to you both
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2015): First off i just want to say is sorry for the crazy life style. But to me he is either having "extra" fun with the people/person he goes with or he is just trying to make break up with him. Either way it's messed up. I can help you if you need that.
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