A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I feel stuck. I've been dating a man for the past 5 months. He's divorced and has four kids that hes a primary caregiver for. He also has a demanding job. My issue is because he is so busy I barely hear from him much less see him. We have texted a little bit over the last two weeks but I haven't seen him for two weeks. I'm positive he is not seeing someone else. He has always told me that actions speak louder than words for him so I'm trying to accept the fact that even though he's busy his way of showing me he cares is by at least replying to my text messages. He could easily just ignore me. I don't know if I should just be patient and give him the benefit of the doubt or if I should just let him go and end the relationship? He says he loves me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2013): It sounds like this guy is a big package deal. Either you two are serious enough that you might consider stepping in and helping out some so that he may have more breaks, or you move onto someone with less demanding of a schedule.
A
female
reader, malvern  +, writes (11 October 2013):
 If you can't cope with it you must let him go. He's going to be busy for a very long time I'm afraid. You don't mention the childrens ages but if the youngest is 8 then you've got at least another 10 years of him being tied up. Caring for your children never really stops until they've left home. My own partner (widowed) has a 10 year old and two in their twenties and there are times when his commitment to them drives me up the wall! The children win every time, no matter what, and that's something you have to consider.
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A
female
reader, Brokenv  +, writes (10 October 2013):
That is a tough question. He sounds like a great dad, hard working guy with a good job. If I was in his position I wouldn't think of a relationship. It sounds too busy. I have two kids and I don't have a lot of time for myself. You sound like you want something more. I don't think you should scarifice your needs. You will become very unhappy. Why are you not "dating" others? I realize this guy told you he loves you, but really how do you know. I think that is way too early.You need to have a conversation in person about what you can do to see each other at least once a week. I personally not sure I would write this guy off but I don't think I would be sitting at home waiting for him either.You have a tough decision. I wasn't much help! Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2013): A single father with a demanding job does not leave him a lot of room for a whole lot of extra in his life. And this is typically the case for dedicated single Moms as well. It's important that he be upfront about it and for you to understand and be patient with the circumstances. However, if he is stringing you along, or when you do get to see him it turns into booty calls, it's time to move on if you want more out of a relationship.Not knowing if there is a ex-wife in the picture or the ages of the children it's hard to determine what's "average or normal" for potential of figuring out some free time. It's way too soon to be getting you involved with the kids. Perhaps suggesting a babysitter or you coming over for a drink after the kids go to bed? Again, not knowing the kid's ages...I think the best thing you could do in this situation is to continue communicating with him, get together when you can and in the mean time, you have every right to date other people, and you should. It would be unfair to be considered exclusive with a guy that you cannot grow a relationship with or maintain with text messaging. It doesn't mean you have to cut him off, it just means you should not be waiting around for a guy who is not available the way you would like. Don't put all your eggs in a basket for this one until he is able to give more to you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 October 2013):
 It doesn't quite sound like the kind of relationship YOU want. Seems to me you want more time together and more communication.
Yes, he is busy with work & kids, but not finding time to see you in two week? I think his priorities are his kids, his work, taking care of the home, family & friends THEN.. you. Are you sure you want to be last on the list?
He says he loves you, OK that is lovely, but does he show it?
Taking on a partner with 4 kids is a LOT to take on and it IS OK if it's more then you feel you want/can handle. That just means he isn't for you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2013): Well he sounds like a good man... 4 kids, good dad, works. Can you ask him if you can both put at least an evening aside where you spend time together?
Since he has kids and works it is going to be harder to be in a relationship with him. But if he is the kind of man you can see yourself being with a long time maybe it is worth being patient or at the very least work around it. If it becomes to hard, then yes maybe you should end it.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (10 October 2013):
 There is a whole spectrum of the attention that people can pay to one-another..... From the smothering, "always there, whenever I turn around"..... to the "..cool, stoic, sorta-distant, almost-standoffish."
For a woman who seeks a relationship with a man.... she can usually see where - along this spectrum - she will find her prospective partner..... AND, thereby, she can make a reasonable prediction of how there relationship might be....
To me, it "sounds" as if this man you describe is 'way closer to "almost standoffish" than to "smothering". YOU can determine if you want a relationship with that kind of man....
Good luck...
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