A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:ok, well ive been with my boyfriend 4 months and i know its not long but he's the only one who makes me happy. i had a bad year and im still dealing with everything for the last 10 months. somehow my boyfriend made things better and i swear i think i would be dead if he didnt come along. but its been problem after problem.. i ty to make it work but loads of things keep getting in our way. i had a miscarriage 2weeks ago and was raped by another man but my boyfriend said he doesnt mind being here for me. but now i think we're on thin ice. i want to break up with him in case i drag him down but i want to change to keep him cause he's the only person in my life keeping my sane.. wise words?? anyone? please help.. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you so much... me and my boyfriend dont really have problems together. its my problems. now my mam and dad are away and i cant see my boyfriend til next thursday... i really miss him and the time apart is good. he does want to be with me... should i just go on with everything?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2010): I am sorry for what you have been through. You have been through a lot, and it must be very difficult for you.
I'm a bit confused as to whether you want to break up with your boyfriend or not. If you are happy with him, but are worried about bringing him down, I think you should talk to him about that. If he cares about you, I'm sure he will not be thinking like that at all, and will not feel like you are dragging him down. But do tell him your worries first. Don't let troubling thoughts like this make you distance yourself from him.
However, I kind of get the sense that things are not that great in the relationship...and that you are not really that happy after all. But you are staying out of...need perhaps? You said you are having a lot of problems, and are thinking of breaking up with him.
Do you actually want to be in the relationship, or not? If you do, then I think the problems need to be addressed and worked on together. Also, I think it is really important that you become stronger in yourself. Relying on a person to bring us happiness or keep us sane is very risky. It makes you dependent on them, and means you would be lost if they ever left. It is fine to feel enriched when you are with someone, but you also need to feel that you can cope with or without them. It sounds like you don't have that feeling.
So I think it is important to try and build up your confidence and independence within the relationship. Are you receiving any help or support for the things you have experienced? If not, I think it would be a good idea if you tried to find some. You may need more help and support than your boyfriend alone can offer, and it is healthier to have a network of people there for you, a supportive network. It will give the relationship new life to grow, and will alleviate any fears you have of dragging him down.
However, if you would actually like to leave the relationship, don't stay because you are worried you will not cope. It sounds like you don't think you are strong enough to stand on your own, to be single. But those are not good reasons to stay in a relationship if you are unhappy. It is always scary when we find ourselves single again. But like I said, I think it will be time to work on taking care of yourself, of building your confidence back up, of seeking out help and support from others.
Whatever you decide to do, you need to take care of yourself and become stronger. You CAN do it, with the right help and support. So try and find that support, and start to heal from the things you have experienced. It might not be easy, it may require some work, but you are worth it. Really, you are.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2010): This may or may not be the kind of answer your looking for but,
Breaking up with your boyfriend or staying with him won't really change whats happening from the sound of it. From my perspective, what you should do is find a way to help get your life back in a better place, and as long as your boyfriend can honestly tell you that he wants to be there for you, you should use the way he makes you feel and start to apply it to whatever happens in your day, that way eventually you'll either resolve most of your issues or find a way to tollerate it.
...............................
|
