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age
36-40,
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writes: Hey...I'm so sad. I wish to stay single... I don't know, but after all that's been going on with my relationship, I feel un-confident...See, my boyfriend has problems with my past. Even though I never sletp with anyone before him, he thinks I had no self-respect because I kissed strangers, some much older than me...But I love him, I love who he is, and I think he's just so perfect except for this. He insists we'll get married one day and be happy. But I doubt it. He doesn't trust me one bit, plus, if we accidentally run into someone he knows I kissed or used to like, he'll get mad and sometimes he'll even do things to "get even" (like call his exes and stuff... things I can't do... if I called an ex, he would leave me and never speak to me again).However, I know there is no man who is like him... who thinks like he does, who is romantic like he is (yes, he isn't a monster all the time, he's also romantic and sweet most of the time), talented, as beautiful... Truly, he's the love of my life, all I wish for is that he'd get over my past... but I know that won't happen, and I feel like I'm walking on eggshells with him. I know it won't work out in the long run.It sucks, I wish I was a guy. Guys don't have this problems with their pasts. I'm so sad, because I accept him just as he is, when we just started seeing each other I felt I had won the lottery, and if he got over my past, he'd be so perfect. There's nobody like him who could take my breath away... I truly feel he's the love of my life albeit the one I can't have... the one who loves me, but who'll never love me like I love him...So I might as well stay single. What should I do? If we ever break up, where will I find someone just as perfect, but who'll also accept me warts and all? Nowhere, I tell you...
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2008): His feelings over your past (and present) attractions to other men are normal. It's how men are wired and they don't enjoy feeling this way any more than you do.
But your BF is not dealing with his feelings like an adult.
Kissing some other guys? By the time you're 18-21 years old? That is virtually nothing. You could have been required to kiss several other guys while acting in high school plays by now.
It's not reasonable for him to hold this kind of thing against you. It's his problem to get a grip on this issue and treat you fairly.
A
female
reader, Bubblegum-Pink  +, writes (7 September 2008):
 I would suggest that you give him an ultimatum and stick to it. Explain to him why his behaviour upsets you and tell him that he has one chance to really prove to you how much he means to you by giving up on the immaturity of his actions. He may be beautiful, talented, romantic and the love of your life - but that does not excuse him for how he treats you. He has no right to make you feel miserable.If you end up having to leave him, you WILL find love again. If you decide to stay single for a while, that's absolutely fine. Please don't stay with him simply because you feel that there's no one else who can be better - this is your boyfriend getting his way by putting you down. It's almost as if he's scaring you into being with him because he's making you feel like no one else will have you, as though he's the only one who will accept you for who you are. Which just goes to show what a small person he's being.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2008): I'm in exactly the same situation, apart from my relationship is long distance.I wish I could be of some help but i'm stuck on the same thing too, and its driving me crazy.I hope things work out for you and I hope someone posts the answer we both need!
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