A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I'm a 15 year old girl. I was dating a guy for a year and 2 months, when things got difficult with his Dad. His Dad read our MSN conversations, and found out a lot of stuff that he shouldn't have, such as how intimate we had gotten and such. He told my Ex that we didn't really love eachother, and that it was just lust and infatuation. He stopped us from seeing eachother for 6 weeks, the whole time drumming it into my Ex that we didn't love eachother, we broke up because of how difficult his Dad had been making everything.I saw my ex boyfriend last night, and I looked really good. We were at a party, and I had this gorgeous dress on that made me look curvy and my legs look long, and I done all my make up and everything.He was there, and the only person he knew was me (our friends were running late). He told me I looked beautiful. Then we got talking, and I tried my best to salvage some of our relationship to try again. He said no, and I kinda got upset. Then we carried on talking, and he admitted he still had feelings for me. We carried on talking and we were really getting somewhere. We'd agreed to talk soon and try and sort something out, because neither of us like being apart. Then he had to go, 'cause he wasn't stopping the night, and I gave him a hug and told him he'd better talk on MSN soon, and he said he would, and I think I felt him put his face in my hair. Then some girl comes over and goes to him 'Ohh my friend likes you, can I have your number for her?' so he hands her the piece of paper that I'd been using to teach him his phone number (which I know off by heart). I suddenly felt really sick and I started to cry, and he grabbed me and hugged me and told me that it wasn't like that and that it didn't mean anything, that nothing would come of it etc. When he'd finished comforting me and thought I was stable(ish), he left, 'cause he had to walk home. and he had a curfew. After he'd gone, I had a full on panic attack (shaking, short sharp breaths, couldn't talk etc), which I only have when something really bad happens (last time I had one, me and my friend had had water poured on us by Explorer Scouts whilst we were sleeping outdoors when we were 12).Then he texted me at 1am telling me to forget about it and to have a good time and to say that it hadn't meant anything, and he only gave her his number because he 'couldn't exactly say no' and that he'd talk today.So now Idk what to do. Everyone keeps telling me to get over him, and that he's not worth it and that I could do better, but I've tried getting over him and I can't. It hurts so much, and yesterday it felt like we were making real progress. To me, it doesn't matter that I could do better than him. I've loved him since we first met, which sound so silly because I was only 11, but he's the centre of every dream I've ever had.What am I supposed to do??
View related questions:
broke up, msn, my ex, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2011): I know you feel grown up but you are only 15. His Dad obviously felt that the relationship was too intense. OK he should not have read private things, but maybe he has a point. You sound almost obsessed with the boy and at your age that is not good. Relax a bit. If you have something between you worth pursuing, it will last. It will really. Enjoy going out and enjoying yourself and try not to put every desire and energy into one boy.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi guys, thanks for the advice :)
I'm definitely going to be taking it!
He's just spoken to me via MSN and reassured me that if this girl gets in contact with him, he'll tell her that he's not looking for anything at the moment. I didn't get a chance to talk to him properly, because he's busy at the moment, but the next chance I get, I'm going to try and set up a day when we can go and talk about us/our relationship and anything that we think needs to be addressed, alone.
Thankyou for your awesome advice!!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2011): Hi, I know it's hard to get over someone, and my best friend is going through basically the same thing as you.
This is my advice - sit him down and tell him how you really feel, and have another conversation like the other one you had where he told you that he still had feelings for you. If you tell him everything, then he will know exactly what you think of the relationship between you two, and then it will leave him free to make his own decision. If he really likes you as much as he says he does, he will be with you.. If he doesn't, then that's really the time that you must move on. In a few years when you are over him you'll look back and wonder why you were chasing him for so long. What I always say is that everyones going to hurt you, you just have to find the ones worth suffering for. If you spend your time being upset about what you haven't got, you won't feel like you can go out and find someone else who will make you really happy. New people that nobody else knows are the best, you will feel fresh and as if you have someone that is a kind of escape route out of reality.
Only the truth will give you both the freedom to express yourselves, then you can make those decisions.
I hope you sort it out.
Amy
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2011): Get over him ? What kind of suggestion is this from a friend ? If you love him, act mature and try to convince both yours and his parents that you really love each other. Also ask him to tell his father to apologise for seeing your private conversation.
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (23 January 2011):
 Take this as it comes. You and him are both so young and will have everyone ganging up against you, and especially his dad is posing a threat to any relationship between the two of you. I actually find it rude of his father to lecture his son on what is love and what is not love. That is something you really need to figure out for yourselves! Besides, did it really matter? You were happy. That's what's important.
But, you are young, and so everyone will stick their noses in your business to look after your best. And most of the time (I'd like to hope at least) the grown ups have more perspective than the youngsters.
But what can you do, and is there hope? Yes there is hope. But you will have to not hope too much, not to the point where you go into panic attacks and get hysterical. You can be sad, but practice on holding back at least a little so you can cry when you are alone in your own room, and not out in public. As for the boy in question, when he handed that girl his number he probably was not thinking much about what he did. He is young and stupid and makes mistakes. Of course he shouldn't have done so! And he CAN say no when someone asks for his number. I never hand out my own number to just about anyone who asks, it's fully possible to say no. However he probably hasn't learned that yet, and doesn't know yet how to reject someone with class. My bet is that he will start ignoring this girl who wanted his number from now on, instead of just saying no when she asked for it...
But anyway, he told you why he did it, he was just stuck in an awkward situation and didn't think very far.
You got to be patient now and keep pulling strings behind the curtain. Talk to him. But do not pressure for a relationship. Just talk. Stay friendly. Figure out what he's thinking, what's going on, and make it clear that you would like to continue the relationship with him, but that you will let him think about things and make his own decision. And that if you don't work out you should still be friends.
But... how can you be friends if you are going to panic when you meet him? So, keep your cool, or you risk pushing him away because he will think he can't go near you or else you will cry.
...............................
|
