A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been together with my fella for 8 years. When we met, he had an addiction to porn. I did not want porn to be part of our relationship and told him this clearly. We battled for 5 years and finally he gave it up saying he wanted me more than porn. Although over the 5 years he lied alot about viewing porn which lead to trust issues. Now it is always there hanging over us. I recently had treatment which means I can't have sex for 4 weeks. We were already having issues with sex which left us both feeling unsatisfied. When I had my treatment, we agreed to stop having sex and try to get back some of the intimacy which so far has not happened. He is tetchy and argumentative which he now says is because he is not having sex. He has accused me of not letting him be his own person. Should I give up on this relationship which is clearly making us both so unhappy. I don't know what to do
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2011): Sex may not be everything in a relationship, but for most men its pretty important. Speaking for myself, if I am getting enough sex, then I have no interest in pornography whatsoever, however if I am not getting sex then pornography is pretty interesting. You clearly have issues with sex and you are also trying to stop him looking at porn! If you are unable to give him the sex he needs, why make such a big deal about the porn? Relationships are about compromises.
A
female
reader, ladyprestige  +, writes (26 February 2011):
Lightly put, you both have invested 8 years into one another. You stopping him from his enjoyment in something stiffled him. However he was willing to put it aside, because he wanted you more than the porn. To run away without trying to work it out will be a real waste. My suggestion, professional counceling, perhaps. Sex is not everything in a relationship. If sex is all that you have, then clearly, ending it will be the best option. But if it's love, companionship and kindred spirits, aren't those things worth fighting for and working things out? What you need to really access is what it is that is holding your relationship together. Is it Love or Lust? A counselor can help. Or a list of Pros and Cons composed by you both will help you decided what to do.
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