A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Okay.. This question has more to do with trust than the issue at hand.. My partner of several years told me when we met he had a long term girlfriend of a year before meeting me with whom he'd broken up a few years before meeting me.. This expanded to her owing him money for a boob job etc etc. And that before that he had a short term relationship in college. He was 32 when he met so I thought that sounded pretty normal. Recently however, he said he wanted to admit that he had never had a girlfriend or so much as kissed a woman. By chance I met a girl who was an ex of his friend who fitted his description of the ex, and she confirmed she knew him as a friend. The boob job story was changed by him into her asking to borrow the cash but he claimed he had no idea why a friend would ask this and never had that sort of money. His story makes sense in many ways as when we met he was very shy and seemingly unexperienced, beig excited at everything sexually as if it was new.. But why lie? The main issue to me is the lies.. Either way.. And whether the plastic surgery bit is true, as he is the most stingy person I know lol! I am aware he and this other girl spoke more recently than he says, but she has never claimed they ever saw one another. Another such issue arose when he said he rented a place in the next city, where there is seemingly no evidence he has lived anywhere but the flat he has now.. Am confused if he was a virgin as to why he would lie? He's such a sweet person and totally devoted in all other ways.
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female
reader, bernergirl  +, writes (5 February 2011):
 Ok. Since you talked to him about it, now you need to first think to yourself "What constitutes a lie?" (If he is just telling you, he likes an outfit and it may not be his favorite" but determine what constitutes as a lie. Be specific, anything that could constitute you loosing faith in the relationship, him, or life in general is what I go by. then once you have a clear definition you need to set boundaries for him, and if he oversteps them then your out. He needs to know expectations, so he has an opportunity to meet them. However, he needs to know that there are very real consequences, and you need to stick to them. If he is willing to meet those and not have any infractions for a year then maybe you can let up a bit. I know it doesn't sound very romantic, but this is building a foundation of trust, he broke it, and he needs to work to regain it. You also have to think about what is going to happen if you break up, do your ground work ahead of time, do you have money, do you have a place to go, will keys need to be re-keyed. If he breaks it again, then maybe he leaves for 3-6 months till he understands that you won't put up with lies. Do not brush this under the carpet. Preparing for the worst, will give you the ability to experience the best. Good Luck, Hope this Helps!
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (5 February 2011):
 Of course you're not sure. He's lying! Remember, many people who are caught in a lie will try and throw you off the trail by coming clean with part of the truth. They'll reveal just enough truth so that you'll be thrown off of trying to find out the truth, but remember, it's a trick. Just because he got all fidgety and "revealed" that he thought you'd think he was a loser shouldn't for a second put you off your guard.
I know someone who had a long distance relationship with a girl, promised her the world, told her he was in the Army and was headed to Iraq. Then he actually lied about being *in* Iraq and was on the outs with his live-in girlfriend. She bought it hook, line, and sinker and he pretty much got all the sex he wanted from her.
Come to find out, it was discovered that he was not in Iraq, and when she confronted him, he said that his on-again/off-again girlfriend was pregnant and that he stayed in the country for the baby. She totally melted because he "revealed" the truth.
Heh, when it *all* came out, turned out that he was not even in the Army, was unemployed, and that his WIFE of 5 years had just had a baby, and that he had cheated on his pregnant wife the whole time with this girl.
If I were you, I'd leave this guy now before you get hopelessly entangled, and you should NEVER be sure about him. There is still a lot he is not telling you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOkay I actually got the courage to ask him outright today and he got very fidgety and said he thought I would think he was some kind of loser because he's always been shy and thinks his life has been boring.. That the girl in question was a friends girlfriend which backs her story and now he feels silly about it. Still no idea why he lied as it was bound to be unearthed eventually.. His take is that he had to tell people not just me he had been in relationships as men brag about such things. I am still not sure..
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A
female
reader, bernergirl +, writes (5 February 2011):
Ok, I am going to tell you there is a difference between a man who exaggerates and one who lies. Look, I have dated this guy and it was for almost 5 years and I thought he was so sweet, he wouldn't lie to my family as well....he did. The lies start out as maybe innocent oversteps, but at least you know and DO NOT except any more. My ex told me once he ran a marathon....yeah he didn't (but why lie? I didn't care if he ran a marathon) however, then he would lie about other things and I would let him slide on such things, but then he lied about going back to Seattle (he told me he went to Austin) why would I care? His family was from Seattle? I caught him. Confronted him, lied his way out of it... Why can't you just believe me? ...um because you're a liar. Sweet or not. You need to ask why he is doing it? And make sure you are in a place he can't talk around it. I hope it works out for you, because you sound like the sweetest person, but he has now given you a reason not to trust him. Keep me updated. Good Luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2011): He either thinks that he doesn't want you to get worried or maybe wants to make you jealous by his old girlfriend stories but, he also sounds kind of dangerous
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A
male
reader, 1000lies1000sorrys +, writes (5 February 2011):
 Most males will tell a girl they like to try and impress that girl.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (5 February 2011):
Never ever ever discount or try to self-explain the feeling that you have that he's lying to you. There are too many things that either don't add up, or the story has blatantly changed. Stay on guard big time, and do your research on him.
So what if he's never kissed a woman and he's in his 30's, yet he's been talking to a few other women and making up stories about boob jobs?
It doesn't matter how sweet and devoted he's been with you. He sounds like a scammer, which means that his "sweet and devoted" act is another persona.
Find someone who doesn't light up your BS meter, and please don't explain it away or try to will yourself around the BS meter, because that will keep you safe.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOh and just to add we have lived together for well over a year and spend all our time together.. He has been honest about everything else but this issue grates on me..
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