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age
36-40,
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writes: When sometimes me and my boyfriend are talking and I say something and either by the tone of his voice I realize he's upset or because he says something like "I have to go" or he suddenly has something else to do... when I ask him what's wrong he gets more upset and will never tell me, he'll insist nothing's wrong even though it's obvious something is!How can I stop nagging him so much? I just need to know what's wrong, not even sorting it out immediatly, just knowing what made him upset. He says if he doesn't feel like telling me I shouldn't be such a nag, that he'll end up getting bored... but why is he so temperamental, he gets upset over the smallest things sometimes! How can he expect me to be a better girlfriend if he won't tell me what I do wrong?He always wants to have his way, so if he doesn't feel like talking, then that's it. But I can't stand it! How can I stop being so obsessive over him getting upset and just forget about it and not nag him? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, BreeBree  +, writes (15 November 2007):
Truthfully, I completely know where he is coming from. My husband is like that too and it is very easy for me to fall into a pattern of "nagging."
If he doesn't want to talk about it, really I think I should respect that. I will say in a quiet voice, your upset now huh? And then I will tell him I love him and give him a hug. Sometimes he tells me a few minutes afterwards, sometimes he doesn't. But, it usually makes him feel better. And if it just makes him more annoyed, I know he is hungry/cranky/tired and after the fact it will make him feel better that he knows I am on his side.
Not everyone is great at communicating. But, communication isn't always words. Obviously asking your boyfriend what is wrong isn't helping - it actually seems to be hurting. Find a way where he can feel safe sharing that stuff with you. He obviously has some issues, saying you'll be bored etc.
If you are feeling too stressed by not knowing and he is just not communciating or opening up.....you can end the relationship. Remember, you are just dating, if he's not the right guy for you there is no need to drag it on
longer - it only makes it more painful. You want to choose someone that you can communicate with - who likes being with you and can be open with you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2007): Maybe he's embarrassed to be offended over something he knows isn't a big deal, so he doesn't want to tell you. He does have serious problems with communicating. If he's not able to tell you when he's upset about small things, he won't be able to handle bigger things either. You need to get him comfortable communicating with you.
And saying you "nag" him is BS. Don't just take that from him.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (15 November 2007):
 Hi,
You two definitely have a communication problem. Though I wonder how much of this is his problem not yours.
Men do prefer to get an issue over with as quickly as possible where a lot of females like to discuss an issue to its resolved ( or they think its resolved )
I do however think there is more to it . He is saying you nag him? My word, how old is he? 50, 60? He sounds like a middle aged man who is henpecked by his overbearing wife.
I think you have a dud on your hands here , sorry to say it, but this guy likes his own way and now that he's got you convinced you are a nag he is on easy street, he can just tell you to shut up and do what he says.
Is this what you want?
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