A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:This is a long story but will try and condense it down.The man I am with has a problem letting go of his ex wife. We were living together for two years when he couldn't decide what life he wanted anymore, so he went behind my back and made plans with his wife to go back to her, and was just waiting for the right moment to get rid of me. He told me he was struggling with money and that is why he was confused,( no mention of the life with his wife he was planning)He them told me that he wanted me, but his wife obviously didn't take kindly to being told and told me everything that was going on.We split for a while then decided that if it was to work there would be no contact with the wife and to make plans to stop paying her bills and allowance he gives her.The contact has as far as I know, stopped now ( after 18 months wait) but he still pays for the house they own and the food she eats and isn't sure when it will stop as he doesn't think she can look after herself so he will. He also thinks that if she ever had a need to go for tests for an illness that he would have to " support" her in this.Am I wasting my time?
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ex-wife, his ex, money Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2008): Hi
I am with poster below its unreal what some blokes will do if they get away with it, I know i was with one for 18 yrs & he's still doing it. His now g/f who he lives with for 5yrs? knows he comes to me & does nothing about it?! its crazy but count your self lucky you know and can face it I don't like that saying "what you don't know won't hurt you" cause you feel a fool when you find out & everyone esle knew b4 you
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2008): Ugh. I hate ex's. My boyfriend of over two and a half years broke up with me on Jan 19th. We had lived together for two years and he left me basically homeless. Since then we have kept in contact pretty much constantly and I have slept over there more often then not. I know this is a completely idiotic thing to do but it feels so natural because it's my home, or WAS rather, and I feel that I belong there. However, I found out that in the past month, he had his ex-wife with whom he has 4 children and has been split up with for about 10 YEARS!!! sleep there. And he plans on having her over as ''company'' again tonight. How am I supposed to deal with this when I just slept there LAST night. THis is the most ludacris situation I have ever been in. And I know that I'd be much closer to sane and closer to ''over it'' if I hadn't remained in such close intimate contact and continuously gone over there when he asks. I mistake my feelings of it being natural and us missing each other, for the fact that he just doesnt want to be alone at night and if someone else can't be there he will call me. I know I'm stupid for having done things this way, but its hard letting go. Especially when the other person isn't 'making' you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 February 2008): I would of kicked his merry arse out of town!!!!!!! Not kidding, he is having a bloody laugh isnt he?? Why are you wasting your life with this sorry mess. Let him go back to his ex and let them live happily ever after, because you and him are not going to , sorry to be so blunt, but get out now while your head isnt done completely in.
take care
xx
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (29 February 2008):
 I just couldnt be doing with that. Its definately not normal. Hes just lucky he is dating you and not me, cuz my patience would of run out months ago, i have a feeling i'm not isolated in that opinion either! lol
C xxxx
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A
female
reader, Flowers483 +, writes (29 February 2008):
Hi, thanks for your advice.I agree with what you say LSkitten, it is almost like he may as well be there as the only thing he isn't doing is sleeping in her bed.Yes Richard, I agree he seems concerned about her welfare, but he also won't try and see if she manages without him. She could do with the money she gets from other sources, like everyone ,people have to budget to live.He is Divorced , so I suppose the progression you talk about hasn't worked for him yet.Thankyou again.
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female
reader, Flowers483 +, writes (29 February 2008):
Thankyou Kitten and Richard for your advice. It is nice to see it from a males view too.That is exactly what I am thinking Kittne, he is being her husband apart from sleeping in her bed.He is divorced from her Richard,about 18 months ago now, it hasn't changed what he is doing yet.
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female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (29 February 2008):
Hi
Probably yes. Doesnt sound like hes going to stop supporting her anytime soon. I dont get why hes not still with her. The only thing hes not doing is sleeping in the same bed as her at night?
I cant do recent exes, for this reason alone. When there is still a connection (apart from kids) its a no no for me.
I dated someone once that i was sure would go back to his ex if we split. He was straight out the relationship when i met him. He always said no way, but guess what, he did. Didnt work out for them, but none the less, i knew there was unfinished business. I cant be doing with that. The next person i meet will have been single a while, and not at risk of jumping back into bed with an ex.
But it depends how patient and risk taking you are!
Good luck.
C xxxxx
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A
male
reader, Richard_EMids +, writes (29 February 2008):
 It would seem he is the type of person who is steered by a strong sense of responsibility. He is almost still seeing his wife as a dependant. Presume they were married for quite some time. It's difficult to judge her situation, he is obviously concerned for her welfare, despite the fact the marriage failed.
He needs to progress and complete his legal divorce. It will change the degree of responsibilty he feels and his conscience.
The good things from your point of view: he said he'd stop contacting and he did; this is a man of conscience and probably very genuine.
Good luck, Richard (similar age group)
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