A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok, so I have been seeing this guy now for almost 2 months now. I'll give you a little background about myself, I am a widow about 4 years now and have three older kids. I started dating after a year after my husbands death and dated some jerks and finally met this guy who is so wonderful and great! He likes me too, he calls me a lot, he emails me, we go out every weekend and do lots of fun things together, BUT there is a major issue and I am not sure this can be workable in the end, I would like it to be... He hasn't had sex in 7 years and is completely clueless on what to do. His relationships are usually one or two dates and it never gets to the intimate point. He has been scarred by the dating scene, they never work out. He recently told me that this relationship is the furthest he has gotten-sex and relationship-wise. So far, in the 2 months, we had sex twice. He is so uncomfortable with it, and it really seems as if I am having sex for the first time with him. He tells me that he is uncomfortable with going to my house while kids are in their beds, which I understand but they are older and they never wake up anymore. I said, lets go to your house, and of course he said no because it is a "mess", but would eventually get his butt in gear and clean it up for me. I don't think he is married or hiding something, I don't think he is gay, Im thinking maybe sexual issues, is scared to get back into it? But-I AM ONLY just guessing, it may not be. He sees a therapist for something, maybe depression??? I don't know. I am understanding and try to be caring towards his situation, but he just seems uncomfortable with the sex. I tried to send him an email saying that he has to be honest with me because I don't want to get hurt. He tells me he is just hurt by his past and is nervous about kids in the house. I always thought that a guy (from my experiences) wants sex all the time? This is so new to me. I had 2 guys that wanted to be with me, in which, I told them I am starting an exclusive relationship and told them no. I am normally a sexual person and this is killing me. I enjoy it. I think it is a normal, healthy thing to want in a monogamous relationship. I got turned down the 2 times we made out, but ended up persuading him to go further which I felt so sad about, I felt rejected. I asked him the whole time if it was ok, and he said yes. But I feel like I pushed him. I just thought guys like to feel wanted. Guess this one has deeper issues. I really like him and I know he likes me. I told him I would stop all sexual contact and that I would wait for him. I truly believe he is worth the wait. Is that the right thing to do? Any suggestions???
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 June 2012):
 I would try and STOP pressuring him into sex. He is obviously dealing with some issues regarding sex. That MIGHT be why he hasn't had many prior relationships or why he hadn't gone past a 2nd date.
You DID pressure him. He said yes, because he WANTS to please you and he WANTS to have sex, no matter how uncomfortable it makes him.
I DO understand that he has a bit of issues with having sex when there are kids in the house. So you two need to figure out how to deal with that in the best way.
I agree with Anon. I think he has VERY little sexual experience (if any) and might be a little intimidated.
So, hold off on the sex for a bit. See if he can open up some more abut his view on sex. It might turn out that the two of you aren't compatible in that department.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI bet you he is!!! He didn't even know how to use a condom now that I look back! I know that seems like the obvious answer and I don't know why I didn't think of it!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2012): Are you sure he wasn't a virgin? Because, a 7 year break wouldn't make a person forget how to do it. It's like riding a bike. If he really wasn't a virgin and embarrassed to admit it, he obviously has some psychological issues. Keep trying to get him to open up, communication is the key.
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