A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I was 15 when I had my first child and 25 when I had my second and last. Shockingly enough (and I say 'shockingly' because I know how people are), they are both by the same father. However, we did not stay together throughout that ten year gap. We were together from age 14 to 17 and especially after our daughter was born, people thought we'd get married at 18. Yeah, that did not happen. Anyway, I sacrificed sleep and a social life to get my shit together and threw myself into my studies and being a teen mom. My baby daddy continued in high school but worked until his fingers bled to provide for us.I thought everything was going great... until I was accepted into the nursing program at the community college rendering me incapable of becoming the house-wife/stay-at-home mom he wanted me to be. When I refused to drop out six months into it with only 18 months left, my baby daddy kicked me and our daughter out of the apartment and we were forced to live in my car for two days before my parents came back from their vacation. They welcomed us with open arms and asked only that I keep at least a part-time job, so I became a CNA. I'm glad they pushed me to do that do, too, because then I wouldn't have the experience that I do now.My baby daddy was at my nursing program graduation when we were 20 and our little girl started crying and hitting him in front of everyone. He took her outburst against me saying I was telling her bad things about him and that's why she hates him. I told him he was on crack if he thinks I would try and make our daughter hate her father. I want him to be around for her but he's too damn immature and angry for me. He became almost explosive by that time and so my father had to calm him down and told him to go home because he was obviously not wanted at the moment. We went home and I cried myself to sleep.I immediately got into the BSN program to provide for my daughter even further and graduated in 20 months. The day before I turned 23, my baby daddy showed up at my door (my daughter and I had been living in a two bedroom apartment for a year by that time) for the first time since my graduation and begged for forgiveness. I thought it had everything to do with the last seven years of him being a complete douche bag, but he confessed to being the father of a two year old girl by another woman.He wanted me back and I told him I am not putting up with his bullshit but if he wants to be around for our daughter, he'd better be around for her, not just once every few years. So, he got his act together around her and after a few weeks, we went to dinner together; I wanted to get wasted, so I did. And then we had sex and I got pregnant (another girl). It's been two years since all of this, he is living with us but he sleeps on the couch, and he still wants me back, but I keep telling him to go away because I can't take it anymore! What am I supposed to do with this situation? Our oldest is now 12, he has a five year old daughter by another woman, and our youngest is now two. It's mainly them I worry about.
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (23 February 2012):
 I'd have dumped after he kicked me and my kid out of the house. That is low.. anyway all in the past now.
He's been on the couch for 2years, why? Either take him back properly or kick him out like he did to you. He can still be daddy, and if you really like the sex thing with him, then you can do the sneaking thing and go over to his when the kids are with your parents.
But at the moment he's half in and he's half out, that's no life for anybody, and if you care about your kids, your giving them strange ideas about love, relationships and parenthood. I'd hate them to think that all daddy's sleep on the couch. Fix this situation soon, at 12years old your kid is going to be romantic soon and then the questions you can't answer will come. Keep him or dump him, but get him the hell off that couch.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (23 February 2012):
 Neither of you is acting like a poster-child for adult, responsible living......
That said,.... if you want the rat out, then tell him to take his a*s in hand and LEAVE!!!!
THEN, you can try to proceed with the life that YOU would like to have....
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (23 February 2012):
 I'm not trying to be harsh, but why are you even here asking for advice? You're not going to leave this guy. You will never leave him, you're always going to sabotage your life. You love and thrive on drama, and for all your time as a nurse, you haven't yet learned about birth control, nor do you demand that your partner use it.
How was he able to kick you out of the house, yet you can't do the same to him? I'll tell you why. You're psychologically damaged, and you won't even begin to try and fix that underlying damage, and instead you're ignoring it in favor of this back and forth drama between your "baby daddy" and your kids and his..
I don't think you will ever change, to be honest. But I hope you prove me wrong, spend fervent and important time fixing your damage after you kick him out.
It's ridiculously easy to kick him out. Tell him to leave your place for good and if he doesn't, call the sheriff and have him escorted off your place.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 February 2012):
 Kick him out. You two keep getting back together and nothing seems to work, so why keep trying?
And honey, stop having his babies. Reach for your dreams!
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