A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've got a quick dilemma. Basically I think I am in love with my guy best friend. We've been best buddies for a while and hit it off straight away. We talk to each other about EVERYTHING. He's basically everything I look for in a partner but we've somehow managed to friendzone each other lol. I dont know what I should do at this point. I've tried moving on and dating but none of the guys i meet seem to cut it. I know the feeling is definitely not mutual (I dont think I'm unattractive or whatever, I just think its too late for him to see me that way). So far ive been doing a good job of hiding my feelings even though sometimes the jealousy burns lol. He's currently seeing someone who i think hes getting really serious about and it's really getting to me. I'm so happy for him and I want him to be happy more than anything but it just hurts. i feel like i need to get this off my chest and tell him but im scared it'll make our friendship deteriorate and he'll feel weird talking to me when he does get into a relationship. what do i do?
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male
reader, Garbo  +, writes (17 August 2016):
 Your idea is great except that in case of being rejected, it is crushing. It's like flipping a coin - heads you win, tails you get crushed. 50-50 odds are not good ones to bet on, so I would not go up to him and "confess" your feelings. Remember, your confession is the 50 but for this relationship coin to work he has to feel the same back... Plus he is involved with someone, and that skews your odds against you even more.
However, if this was me, I'd get my friends to talk to him, to pass the word that they heard you think that you really like him, that you were wondering if he could like you, that your friends think you two would be great couple... have them whip up the drama in his mind, show him possibilities that he perhaps does not have with that other one. By having others do the scouting, it protects you from the embarrassing blow where he would have to say "yes or no" right on the spot in front of you which is hard. The scouts whip up drama in him, create fantasy for him, give him time to think through the situation and could give back the signals to your scouts... At best, you'd get him and at worst you move on as is with no loss.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 August 2016):
 I wouldn't tell him. For the simple fact that the feelings are NOT mutual and HE has someone else now.
IT put too much pressure on a friendship to put that out there now. However, he isn't really a friend no longer as you have romantic feelings for him.
Consider this, IF you were dating a guy (let's say THIS guy) and some girl he was friends with declared her love and feelings for him... how would you feel? Not great right? So why encroach on his happiness NOW that he has someone else?
Personally, I'd back away. If he asks why you can tell him being friends is making it hard for you to move on. He can then take that or leave it.
I find it so shady when people WAIT till the moment someone is seeing someone else to "declare" their feelings. You had your chance, you didn't take it. Nothing happened. There is a reason nothing happened.
Sorry, that is how I see it.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (17 August 2016):
 you love him enough to want him to be happy even if it is not with you.
that's what you tell him.
and then you say I am always your friend and will always support you being happy, but I admit to hoping it might one day be with me.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (17 August 2016):
 The best thing you can do is tell him that he is ever free you would love to get together. Then back off completely. Don't crowd his current happiness.
And who knows maybe there is a better option for you out there.
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