A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been in relationship for past 2 and half years.My guy is not that attractive or smart.he's been a geek,he's very reserved also rude with people.but with me he has always been sweet n impressive for one year then he started being rude with me,he doesnt like talkin with friends,talkin too much or being disturbed when he's doing something.i feel like a third person.i m very bubbly n cheerful n very passionate about love.have talked to him about breaking up earlier but he gets emotional n somehow we get back.but this is just getting on to my nerves.i really love this guy he is my first love but i dont think i like any of his habits or the way he sees life.he's not that romantic as before,he has lost interest or what i dont understand.i dont feel good or special with him anymore.he doesnt come down often 2 meet me.i cant ask him to also he says thats expectation.i feel really depressed and horrible.family members and friends know bout my relationship.if i break up with him i might get a bad name in the family, also bothered about my future.please give me the right solution
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2008): Hun, clearly from your posting, we can all see this relationship has run it's course. You both are not compatible, anymore. He's not working at this relationship, leaving you unhappy and miserable. But you state you 'love him'? I don't understand this rationale, that some women think! . They allow there clingy feelings of 'love' take over and they don't engage their smarts and brains.
Ask yourself, what is there left to love? You are depressed--and worried. Is that the sign of a functional, caring mutually giving relationship? No it isn't. Listen to your inner voice, dear and start looking after yourself here. Stop living your life, based on what your family wants or what he wants. Sure..if you were to end it-- they may be upset at first, but if they truely care about you, they will want what makes you happy. Break it off and let him go. You are 18-21 years old. A young adult who has an amazing life ahead of her. Go out and make a difference all on your own. It will take guts and courage and we've all been there...done that.
Try to remember...a relationship that ends is not a failure or a punishment - it is a life lesson. As long as our definition of a successful relationship is one that lasts forever - we are set up to fail. There is nothing wrong with "wanting" a relationship that will last forever, but "expecting" it to last forever, when it's clearly over but you won't end it, well...that is what is dysfunctional about you. Stop living your life according to waht others expect of you. Empower yourself and become strong to recognize your own unhappiness and do something about it. Good luck and be strong.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2008): if he is not treating you like he did at first he will not treat you as time goes by. if you are not happy you should find some one else. it should not matter what people thinks. it my be hard but in time you will wake up and wondering why am i still with him. i know i use to be that guy. it took me a real long time but i woke up. know i have a wife and 3 little boys. i would not have this untill i pulled my head out of my butt. think about it and do what you think is right.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2008): Sorry to hear what's going on :(
If he's not romantic or even loving to you anymore, it could be a problem. But when he's not even nice to you, do you think it would be better to end the relationship? Maybe you could tell him about how you feel and give things a chance to sort out first, but if nothing changes, you can't stay in a relationship you're unhappy in!
You shouldn't get a bad name in the family just for ending something that's depressing you, it's your life and you should do whatever it takes to keep you happy!
Things sound like you're the only one putting any effort in, maybe he just feels shy or paranoid, or has low self-esteem? You really need to discuss the situation, and decide the most practical option from there.
Godd luck with everything :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2008): Sorry to hear what's going on :(
If he's not romantic or even loving to you anymore, it could be a problem. But when he's not even nice to you, do you think it would be better to end the relationship? Maybe you could tell him about how you feel and give things a chance to sort out first, but if nothing changes, you can't stay in a relationship you're unhappy in!
You shouldn't get a bad name in the family just for ending something that's depressing you, it's your life and you should do whatever it takes to keep you happy!
Things sound like you're the only one putting any effort in, maybe he just feels shy or paranoid, or has low self-esteem? You really need to discuss the situation, and decide the most practical option from there.
Godd luck with everything :)
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