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female
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*lajka
writes: Ok, here it is. I met this guy 2 months ago and everything seemed perfect. We were CRAZY about each other. Then out of the blue, he stopped calling. He finally emailed me and told me that the one person in his life that he had always dreamed of being with, but never had the opportunity called him out of the blue. She is going through a bad divorce and just needed someone to talk to. He said he had to hang out with her to see where it went, or he would alway wonder. I explained to him that I think breaking up with me for a girl he hadn't seen in 6 yrs is a mistake. They are different people.. the last time they saw each other they were like 20! He said he didn't want to hurt me, and he hopes that the option that we might be a couple would still be open if he calls in a couple weeks and says that he misses me and I'm the one he wants to be with. What the??? I know he was unsure about doing this.. and it all happend so fast. What are the chances he'll come back? Do I wait or move on? I'm really trying not call or contact him.. to give him his space but it is killing me!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2007): honey,
just by wanting to know what to do makes me wonder if
you believe he is worth waiting for.
if you believe he is worth it, pray that the other slut
leaves the picture everyday for 7 days, also picture
him and you happy and together.
if after this time he calls tell him you found some one
else and you are happy and hope that he can understand.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2006): Darling, no offence but you need to move on- i don't want to trouble you by saying that it is maybe his gut feeling speaking- therefore he chooses her over you- at present- he might realise afterwards that it is was a weird decision to take if things don't work out between them as he hoped- and he'll think well at least i've got he (meaning you) to come back to. That shouldn't be the case though- be selfish- and realise that you need to treat him, the way he treats you- it's very good that you haven't called him- but neither has he- so that is of equal balance-
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A
female
reader, rlajka +, writes (4 January 2006):
rlajka is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you guys! I'm feeling better already.... I'm glad it happend now, rather then 1, 2, 3 years down the road.... He doesn't know what he wants... I do! Now I'm gonna go out and get it! Too bad for him that it won't be him!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2006): As usual Irish, excellent advice.
Move on, if he is making a mistake, that's his business, don't drag yourself through that.
Go out with other people and have a good time. You will meet someone who wouldn't take the silly risk of losing someone great like you.
I'll tell you a story which may be of assistance to you.
I was having a problem in getting over a relationship which ended in my ex going back to a girl he dated years before.
I confided in a friend, Maggie, who said that people latch onto people who shared great times in their lives with them.
Maggie had a boyfriend as a teenager who they shared great times and he was really happy and then like a lot of teen lovers, they grew apart. They realised that they wanted different things out of life and were too different to have a really serious, lasting commitment.
But for years this guy keep on coming back to Maggie, begging her to get back together with him and in the meantime passing up these amazing, beautiful girls. Whilst deep down he knew that her and him just didn't work, he couldn't give up the memories of how happy they had been as teenagers. He couldn't give up the idea of Maggie being the first girl he kissed, the girl who helped him pass his exams, the girl he took to the prom, the girl who cheered him on in the stands as he hit a home run for the school, the girl who he thought about marrying.
And whilst those memories were wonderful, things had changed and they had grown apart. She wanted to go one way, him another. They broke up because they realised they weren't meant to be together.
He was hanging onto something that was gone and nothing was going to bring it back yet he tried.
Yet if they got back together, it would be a disaster and she knew it and no doubt he knew it too. He couldn't shake the image of his perfect high school sweetheart Maggie out of his head. Which of course was insane now as she was a grown woman and completely different from the girl he dated in high school.
I realised with that story that my ex was the same. He was trying to hang onto high school days, days before his parents divorced, days before he needed to worry about work and finances and hence his ex girlfriend. Whilst I know that she really isn't the best girlfriend he can have, he sees her in a certain light that no other girl will ever be able to live up to. I couldn't change his fixation with the past and no other girl would be able to either.
Has he made a mistake in going back to her? In my opinion, yes, they broke up for some really good reasons, but that's his issue, if he wants to live his life with someone who doesn't really suit him but reminds him of a happier time, that's his problem and I am better off without it.
And you are too. No doubt this boy, similar to a few others out there, is latching onto his ex for probably a similar reason and it wouldn't matter if you were Jennifer Aniston or Sally next door, he cannot get past this girl and until he does, he will live a life chasing an impossible dream.
Move on and find someone who truely appreicates you and wants you, not a silly memory.
I hope this story helps you because it sounds like a similar sort of situation.
Take care, you deserve better than him and his fantasy world.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2006): There is no issue here. End the relationship and move on. When people like your bf can emotionally attach and detach so easily like this, he's a user and good people like yourself get hurt. You would be nuts to consider going back to him if his dalliance with this woman doesn't work out. He just wants to have you as his back up girl..don't give him that. Learn from this experience, be strong and strike him up as a loser. From now on, you need to decide what relationships are valuable to you and begin making wiser choices. I am sorry..you don't deserve this...no one does. Good luck and and take care, dear
Hugs, Irish
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A
male
reader, Joe  +, writes (4 January 2006):
just move on love to say that you two are crazy about each other is wrong he clearly isn't, go find another guy who WILL love you and only you.
if the guy returns tell him it's his own fault for leaving to find something he already had.
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A
female
reader, mommyofthree +, writes (4 January 2006):
 Oh my! am shocked that this guy is actually asking you to keep him in mind IF he calls you missing you. Ask yourself this, could you live with the thought that he picked you only after he was let down by his past love? Do you feel comfortable with a man that may decide at the drop of the hat that someone else might be the one for him? You need to stay away from him, he is bad news. If he calls in a couple weeks don't answer, and don't return any emails. If you were to let him back into your life, it is quite possible that he will continue to break your heart time and again. Good luck.
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