A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi:)Hope you can help:) I'm a 28yr single parent who has just broken up with my partner of 2yrs. I have 1 child he has 2. He is 37. We met a week afer my brother had died. He took is own life at 21. When I met this guy he had just left a 13yr relationship. He said the girl was murder and that he should have left years ago but tried to make it work for the kids. We got on fanastic. Have you ever meet someone and something happens in the air that tells you that you were meant to meet? We spend alot of time together and get on really well. Apart from my little break down and anger bust. When I met him I told him I didn't think it would be a good idea for me to be in a realationship because of the way I felt. I didn't know how things were going to go. I was numb my heart didn't feel anything, I awoke crying every morning full of rage. The fighting started. He had taken enough of my break downs I guess. We were both very insecure also when we met, so afraid to lose each other and so afraid of being cheated on. Anyways. After a year and lots of trouble from his ex. Living at home, she gave him the girls. I had a spare room so I suggested he move in. He really didn't want to, he wasn't ready. Neither was I. He ending up moving in. We fought the first night. He changes his mind alot. Everything was going great but then I felt like everthing was being left to me. I was dying inside, what if he leaves? What's that going to do to me? Depression had kicked in by my brother's first year anniversary. I went down like a ton of bricks. I went from working out 2hrs a day to nothing. Barely even got dressed. Anyway I didn't feel he felt the same anymore. He moved out after 5 weeks. Said I was too angry and I admit I was but I never really done alot I'd just not speak . So we didn't see each other for weeks. He would answer me text me or meet me. I decided that I was moving. Packed everything up and went away. The day I left he rang. I stayed away for a week. I really didn't know where I was or what I was doing. I had even thought about taking my own lift, until one day I looked at my son and I just saw light in him that help me through. When I came back we met up alot. Trying to see each other was hard. I was still feeling bad and he also had lots going on. He talked alot and any time we did spend together was great. We got on better than before. I got a new place and things were going great. He started acting strange. Would say he was home bit went. If I asked him anything he would freak out like he was hiding something. October he said he would marry me. Now he is back to not wanting to speak to me, always screams down the phone and fights over anything. His friend said he has a commitment issue. I spoke to him 2 days ago. He says he dose not want to be together. Never wants to be with another woman. He can't take being questioned and he just wants to move with his kids and never hear from me again. I feel sick. My parents and friends all say move on. I don't want to. Our arguement was over stupid things. Like my tone of voice or the way I looked when he said something. I love him. My whole day changes when I see him. I feel happiness and I smile at the tought of him. My dad even mentioned he saw me glow when he would call. 2 years I'm heart broken running out of things to say. He is planning life without me and I can't even bring myself to go out side the door. Help.....
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female
reader, comeonjesusthishurtstoomuch  +, writes (15 January 2011):
 first of all i am so sorry about your brother i'm sure you miss him alot and also that you need to find a friend or councilor to talk about his death because i feel that you haven't delt with it yet i know that it hurts i can only imagine i lost a cousin that i loved deeply to a tragic accident and still think of him over ten years later but anyway onto your relationship i know that you love him but is it healthy as fragile as you are mentally to be in a relationship with a man who is bitter with women already because of a bad previous relationship you already have your mind made up as to what you want so i will pray for you and your daughter that you will find a better man that is strong enough to help you face your issues a stable man who makes you smile because your happy not because your happy to see him after crying for days because he left please follow your heart if it's breaking then there is something wrong
A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (15 January 2011):
 Nobody wants to move on sweetie but you dont have a choice here, he has clearly told you he doesnt want to be with you therefore you need to accept that and move on with your life. I know that it is hard and that you really dont want to but you have the motivation to do it all you need to do is look in to your sons eyes and you know that you need to keep going for him. You are his world and that should be the reason for you to get out of bed every morning.
It sounds to me like yes this guy really does have big commitment issues maybe he was left messed up after the break up with his childrens mother and he is obviously in a very confused place at the moment. He needs some space right now to figure out his life and hun you need to be able to give it to him. If he is meant for you he will come back but in the mean time you need to accept that its over and he is not part of your life anymore. The sooner you accept this the sooner you can move on. It sounds to me like you have the support of your parents so when times get tough and you need to talk turn to them.
Also it would be a good idea to call your friends and arrange a night out on the town. Ask your parents to babysit for you and have a girlie night if you dont fancy going out then even sitting in with friends will help. But try and get out of the house. The important key here is to keep yourself busy. Pick up some new hobbies and make some new friends. Be a good mother (as am sure you are). Do normal day things and soon you will begin to feel better.
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