A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I wrote 3 months ago about my break up of a very intense affair I had for a year.The break up was because I am married with kids, he wants kids and I cant have anymore.He wants to remain friends and thats working ok but he has changed so much since the breakup. Hes out drinking all the time and I know hes dating which I understand but now I am worried that he is spinning out of control. Why is he doing this? Yes i am still very in love with this man but want him to be happy with things I cant give him. How can I express how worried I am about his behavior without seeming like im jealous and clingy?Thanks for any advice
View related questions:
affair, jealous Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2007): What do you mean, you're still very much in love with him? Heellooo......you are married, remember?Let him know you are very concerned about his drinking and that he needs help - which you of course cannot, and should not, be even attempting to give.Then, leave it alone! Give up any thoughts of remaining friends and put your concern and energy where it really belongs: with your husband and children!
A
male
reader, ChiRaven +, writes (7 April 2007):
 Wait. You're married? Where is your husband in all this?
About your former guy, he's hit the skids big time. Alcohol is indeed "spinning out of control" under most situations, and there is precious little you can do except urge him to get help. You can't do it for him, and he can't do it for you. If you can get him to see that his life is out of control, fine, but every person who really has a problem with liquor has to "hit bottom" in their own way before they make up their mind to get help. Don't nag. That won't do it. You can express your concern in a sincere and caring way, but once you've done that your best bet is to move back and let him find his own road.
Oh, and you might think about finding some help yourself. Yes, he's the one that has the problem; but people close to people with problems face unique problems themselves. There are support groups out there everywhere for people like you. Find them and try it out.
...............................
|
