A
female
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anonymous
writes:Ok so I was/am dating this guy, who for the last month went all weird saying he was too busy to see me etc. It took me by surprise because just prior to that he was saying how much he liked me and how he'd miss me when I went home and how he couldnt wait to see me again!! However the next day he was all distant and I havent seen him since, only talked through texts and online etc. I am always the one contacting him, never the other way around. On several occasions I asked him whats wrong and he said nothing, hes just 'busy'- yet he has time to go out partying with his mates, geting so drunk, and of course sitting on msn alot and going on facebook. But not enough time for me? Anyway...so I thought well Im not gona put up with this anymorebecause I cant be going out with a guy who cant be in it 100% type of thing- I was pretty convinced he wanted to break up but was to gutless to tell me. So after several attempts of trying to get the truth out of him, I gave up and stoped contacting him. Went out and had fun wit hmy friends. Then suddenly, wow look who starts contacting me!!! He does! He said he misses me so much and how sorry he is for being a jerk and bla bla and wont do it again and so on. I dont know if I should forgive him because it seems only now hes 'woken up' when he sees I may be moving on? I feel liek i cant trust him because he really hurt me before and I feel like if i make myself vunerable again he could easily do it again.its like he can just turn his emotions on and off whenever he wants. Should I forgive him?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2009): Read "catch him and keep him" - just google it and it brings it up. It's a book written by a man with a man's perspective and this scenario is classic. According to this book, as in the animal kingdom, the man wants to be the one to chase and the woman needs to keep him on his toes. Have you seen those male birds do their funny little dance to try and attract the female, only to be turned down by the female bird who chooses someone else. Yes, by appearing too eager you are putting them off. Don't put up with any behaviour which you think is unacceptable - tell him it's unacceptable. Men love a women who knows her own mind and who won't put up with any of their shit. You've just proved this point to be now by saying how keen he became as soon as you stopped trying to contact him - so it does work. I've managed to bag myself a gorgeous man now in my mid forties, by incorporating some of the stuff from the book. In fact, when I don't act clingy and needy and basically act like the feisty, no nonsense female I am, he loves it. But don't act this out, make sure you are being true to yourself.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBut he has done this before, hes said sorry and so on...so i dont see how this time will be any different? apart from the fact that he refered to himself as being a jerk lol :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2009): hi,
I wish I could give you a clue what to do, but I'm in the same position really, Someone I've been out with several times as more than friends, then says he doesn't want anything from it, he has too much on. It actually really hurt as I really thought it was going somewhere. But then of course he gets in contact again. I did try the treat them mean keep them keen route but I give in too easily and end up looking too eager again! Somebody help us! :( x
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