A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear higher power relationship gods and love gurus,There's this guy in my uni. He graduated already and he's in his mid twenties. he's taking only two classes here because he needs them for grad studies and he didn't take them in undergrad. Besides that, he has his own apartment off campus, a job, doing interviews for grad school admission, presentations, sports. He's a busy guy to say the least. But I kinda am falling for him.. We're friends at the moment and have been for a couple months since school started. We sit together in class, we're partners for things, we talk maybe two three times a week for more than three hours. But I feel as if we're not in that comfortable friend phase. He never teases me in that brotherly way that most of my guy friends do and every so once in a while he'll say these subtle flirty things. He'll lean towards me, rest his knee on mine and when I look at him he looks away, accidentally brush my hand, and whenever he talks to me he looks right into my eyes and stops talking for a while while looking into mine then catch himself and continue talking. (he usually looks away when people talk to him or when he talks to people). I try not to appear clingy or like I fancy him so I've never ever initiated a conversation with him except one but he still messages me every once in awhile (two or three times a week). He's been doing this thing recently where he asks about an assignment every week but he ends up helping me through the entire thing and he already knows all the answers. Then we end up talking for hours after. He's always fairly polite around me and respectful but like most guys, he's a typical rowdy boy with his friends. I'm just a bit down because we click so well when we see each other and talk but he's always busy. Most of our conversations are skype, chat, or a couple minutes when we pass each other while handing an assignment in or a few whispers in class etc. The longest time I've spent with him in person is 3 hour labs and that's all.. I really wish I could spend time with him outside class. He's fascinating and interesting to me and I love talking to him because we can talk about everything on a similar level and I don't feel like i'm years and years younger. I feel like we're equals. The thing is he's always busy and rushing from place to place, flying out of the country.. It's his birthday in two days and I don't know if i should say happy birthday or ask about his plans because he's not the type to announce his birthday to people. (i found out from facebook.. lame i know lol) I want to do something for his birthday or hang out or something because I really do like him and he helps me out no matter how incredibly busy his life is. He still makes some time for me. I have a week long break but i'm not sure about his plans. I don't know how to ask him what his plans are without looking like I'm asking him out. I'm not quite sure how to ask about his birthday plans either without looking like a facebook stalker.. I want to do something to actually not just be two classmates or lab partners and actually be "friend" friends, maybe something more. I'd really appreciate any help! Thanks for reading this far ^^"
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so so much for your help. His birthday was actually last Sunday and he was in Boston for a med school interview. It's a good thing I didn't ask about his birthday plans or say anything, he was in a whole different country ^^'I've just been playing it cool and doing my own business and he messages me out of the blue and makes conversation while he's in the airport for a connecting flight back home and we talked for a long time. He mentioned staying home this weekend and how he's looking forward to being free. Is he hinting that he's available? I didn't go any further into it :P Thank you again for your helpHe's really popular with a lot of girls and quite a few wished him good luck on his interview and happy birthday but he didn't reply to any of them. He seems very high in demand..
A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (20 October 2012):
 The most important skill you need to hone is PATIENCE. Far better to reel a guy in slowly, in such a way that he thinks it's all his idea to ask you out.
The Best thing you can do on his birthday is say nothing. But do your hair in a different style. See if he notices. See if he comments. Make yourself look good on that day, but be modest about it and just say you felt like a "change". Not a color change. Just a style change. Gair up if you wear it down. Or down if you wear it up. Nothing too dramatic.
His flirty actions towards me tell me that you are a very attractive young lady and he delights in your company as do most men in the presence of a delightful older teen young lady.
So he's about 7 years older than you and your crush is evident and he enjoys doing flirty things with you.
He did not tell you it's his birthday, you found out by looking at Facebook. Hmm. Your approach could seem just one step toooo far if you then try to celebrate his birthday with a card or hoping to hang out. he will ask how you know and you telling him you saw it on facebook is likely to see him step back.
Very important rule with guys, especially more sophisticated seven years older then you guys is to allow the guy to be the hunter.
One birthday? In the scheme of things it does not matter to him. Otherwise he would have told you. He would have asked you to hang out with him.
The fact that you discovered this information, he did not tell you, does not entitle you to influence what he does on his birthday. Even if you feel a need to do so.
Let this birthday go.
A sophisticated guy will appreciate your tact and your silence. Until he is ready to tell you himself.
I am sorry but you will have to treat it like any other day.
Wait until he tells you, if he tells yo.
And you are correct, you asking him about his plans coud be seen as pushy. YOU can tell him about your plans, if you wish to.
Just look extra good on his Birthday, but don't try too hard to do so. And say nothing unless he reveals it is his birthday.
Just play it cool. That's what he is doing already, so it sounds like that the approach he prefers
Patience, please ?
If a guy is truly interested he will make a move eventually. Maybe even after his studies have been completed
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