A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi cupids! Have you ever seen that film " hes just not into you"? Well thats like the story of my life but without the happy ending.I think the saying is right "if its meant to happen, then he will make it happen" and for me it just doesnt happen.Iv been cheated on 3 times, dumped 2 guys because i felt they wernt any good for me (even though they did nothing majorly wrong, it just didnt feel right, which i guess hurt them) and have dated a few times recently all of which amounts to nothing.My friends always said dont give in sexually too soon make them wait, they'l stick around.So the last guy i was seeing/dating i made him wait a couple months , then we carried on for another 3 months before he said he wouldnt commit and admitted using me for sex! I cant do right for doing wrong, i cant win!Now iv just started seeing another guy, reluctantly in the beginning (didnt know if i was ready) but he seemed so keen so i figured, to hell with it, il give it a go, give him a chance.Weve been seeing eachother now for little over two weeks, nothing sexual has happned, and the first few days we really connected, really got on well, then he decided to throw a spanner in the works by telling me that he doesnt know what he wants out of life, hes content with his life, hes scared of moving things forward and doesnt want the pressure of a relationship yet etc etc. because hes been cheated on too and messed around badly too. This threw me off, because i made it quite clear that i wasnt ready for a relationship myself due to the past, but the difference is, im not closing the door on a possible relationship, but he sounds like he is.Then i said that im happy to carry on as we are, just hanging out, talking, dating with no pressure at all, which he agreed with.Then he said that he does really like me alot and wants to know more about me and spend more time with me.confused . com!I just replied that i was happy to be friends. then i didnt reply to a couple of his messages, and he was becoming anxious wondering where i am, why i didnt reply. i was out by the way, didnt ignore him.I just dont know how to handle this now.I really do like this guy and would like to think that it would progress, but because weve both been badly mistreated in the past were both reluctant to move forward but him more so as hes made it clear.Has anyone else been in my shoes? what can i do?I know if i carry on as we are il end up falling for him and then il want commitment and he probably wont, (as i doubt i can change his mind), and il get hurt.....again. Id back away from him if i wasnt so god damn curious as to see if it will go further! I just think that life is too short to keep yourself locked away from finding love. I truely belive theres someone right for me, its just bloody finding him and then the hard part....keeping him. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (16 May 2013):
 I hear you. I'm older than you and I'm still trying to figure out the whole dating scene. I think the dating landscape is changing. People are more into short term hook ups rather than long term relationships, or maybe no one really wants to put the work that is required to maintain a relationship, so that when the romantic phase is over, they move on to the next person. There are so many conflicting theories out there. For eg. Everyone has "The one" (your other half) out there and you just have to wait until fate / destiny brings you together. Then there is a theory out there that says that there is no "the one".
I don't really believe the witholding sex thing will guarantee that a guy will stay with you. I think if a guy is not that into you, he'll leave you whether you sleep with him on the first date or 100th date. It's probably all about the thrill of the chase for this kind of man anyway. I've had long lasting relationships with guys that I slept with on the first date, so I speak from experience.
I'm not sure if there is a magical formula out there for someone to find a life time mate. I think for each one of us it's a personal journey and it's all about your personal issues that have to be worked out and the lessons you have to learn. Our relationships with other people teach us our most valuable lessons. You actually learn a lot about yourself from all relationships, so in a way you have to be thankful for that and not look at these experiences negatively.
I think you have to ask yourself the question, "What are the lessons I need to learn or what issues do I need to work through, in order to attract a life partner?"
I'm still trying to work this stuff out myself, so you're not alone.
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