A
female
age
30-35,
*oveMeAlways1390
writes:When I first got with my boyfriend he was the most romantic man I've ever met/known. He used to do the loveliest things for me all the time that used to make me so happy and I totally knew how into me he was. This carried on for almost a year, he had made me things, written me poems, all the nice things a girl would want to hear. The thing is, he hasn't done anything like this at all since Valentine's day this year, that was 8 months ago! I know it may sound silly but I was so used to all of this and knowing completely how he feels it really gets me down now that he doesn't do anything like this anymore. Through the majority of all of this when he was doing these things he was working shifts which meant he often had a lot more time for this sort of thing and now he has a 9-5 job and when asked he says he doesn't have as much time or creativity that he used to have. He does tell me how he feels but nothing like what he used to say or do for me. I feel like I'm the one who always has to say stuff to him first. I guess it's normal as time goes by in a relationship for each person to become more relaxed but to me it seems as though he can't be bothered with me. He is a very laid back person and he always has been but recently it just seems even more so. He has been under a lot of stress with added pressure at work and he moved house recently too but I don't want to think this is the excuse/reason as this has been for a long time now, not just the past month or two. Am I being unreasonable? Do you think it's simply a case of he is used to being with me and he's happy so he doesn't feel the need to tell me all of the time? Please help!
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2010): Us guys can get lazy but that doesnt mean we still dont care like we did before. We just get very comfortable and content with things. In a way, I think he built up an expectation which is not good. However, as long as he says he's happy to be with you and spends time with you, its those actions that hopefully tell you things are good in your relationship.
A
male
reader, Odds  +, writes (12 October 2010):
 There's probably some element of the usual slowing down that comes with time, but his work may be getting to him, too.
The conditions at work may have been going on for a long time, but they may have just finally worn him down. If he still loves you and cares about you, you should put more effort into making him happy. If it works, he'll be more energized and able to show you affection, too.
The real art of it is to gain happiness from giving happiness to our loved ones.
Additionally, many guys believe that once they've made it clear they care about you, they can keep quiet until something changes. He may have simply fallen into that line of thinking, and just needs some gentle encouragement to express himself again. Good luck.
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