A
female
age
51-59,
*meee
writes:My finace and I are living together in my house, he has rented his out. He earns far more than me and yet only pays for food and the odd utility bill, I am seriously overdrawn, and when i try to talk about the subject he gets angry, he has promised to pay some money into my bank account and I have as yet to see any coming in, we are getting married later this year but i feel he isnt meeting my needs both emotionally and financially. I feel he is taking me for a mug and he is also not paying any council tax - of which i am worried the council will find out he is living with me and I will get taken to court...he just wont understand my worries and concerns...he just tells me i worry for nothing and that he pays enough money...I wish i could live rent free and pay the odd bill here and there! I get so upset and angry with him trying to make myself heard...but its useless.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2009): He sounds breathtakingly selfish - if he's like this now, I can't see him changing once you're married. I would sit down and thrash it out formally, maybe put something in writing. Sad that's necessary, but otherwise he will continue to dodge the issue and make a mug of you.I wouldn't marry him until he grows up and starts contributing, or it will only get worse. You probably already realize this, but just need us to confirm you're the reasonable one :)
A
female
reader, pebble +, writes (18 April 2009):
 I agree with Emily. If he still doesn't start paying his way after you confront him again, tell him you're not going to marry him - and mean it. You cannot get married to this man in your current situation. He won't change unless you make him. He's struck gold here.
If even that fails, then you must ask him to move out. Eventually the council will catch up with you - they always do. It's benefit fraud and you can even get a prison sentence for that these days. It will be on your back. All it takes is for one of your neighbours to take it upon themselves to mention something to the council (for which they would probably get a reward, in my area they do) and you're screwed.
Please, please do not marry this man while in your current situation. I wish you luck.
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A
female
reader, Ameee +, writes (18 April 2009):
Ameee is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThere are no 'wedding plan' debts, we were just going to have a small service, no fuss, registry ceremony. So no plans as such....
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A
female
reader, Ameee +, writes (18 April 2009):
Ameee is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThere are no 'wedding plan' debts, we were just going to have a small service, no fuss, registry ceremony. So no plans as such....
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (18 April 2009):
He may love you but just have severe issues about money, but the fact he won't even talk calmly about it, or accept facts, or even care that you are getting in debt... that worries me a lot.
Have you done much wedding planning yet?
Who is paying for the deposits?
Or has he just said he wants to marry you, moved in and said no more about it?
If you chuck him out then it may be a great big kick up the bum and he may realise he's been an idiot and try and sort things out.
He may also not bother, but then at least you will have a ring to sell to help with the overdraft, and you'll feel guilt free for doing it.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (18 April 2009):
He may love you but just have severe issues about money, but the fact he won't even talk calmly about it, or accept facts, or even care that you are getting in debt... that worries me a lot.
Have you done much wedding planning yet?
Who is paying for the deposits?
Or has he just said he wants to marry you, moved in and said no more about it?
If you chuck him out then it may be a great big kick up the bum and he may realise he's been an idiot and try and sort things out.
He may also not bother, but then at least you will have a ring to sell to help with the overdraft, and you'll feel guilt free for doing it.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, Ameee +, writes (18 April 2009):
Ameee is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Emily...I know he also has his own mortgage to pay for etc, but he is getting rent in monthly for that...so I dont understand why he wants to get married ?? If all he is doing is treating me like a mug! I dont expect him to pay towards my mortgage...just he should pay an allowance at least....it makes me so angry I dont know what to do with myself...I thought he loved me and I really feel cheated in a strange way...
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (18 April 2009):
Yep he's taking you for a ride.
Tell him you need to get this sorted out and work out all the household outgoings on paper.
Then split it down the middle and set up a direct debit from his bank into yours.
If he refuses to pay his way then chuck him out.
And it's not him that will get taken to court over the council tax it's YOU. You are the one claiming single person discount so by having him here, then you are the one technically committing fraud.
Tell him calmly that you want to get this sorted one way or the other as you don't like to have to chase him. If he gets angry and refuses then tell him you are going to have to ask him to move out because you can't afford him here any more. Why not pawn your engagement ring till he talks to you about it as you need the cash probably more than he knows.
Good Luck!! xx
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