A
female
age
36-40,
*ovelybabe86
writes:Ok so I work in the nightclub industry as a dancer for three years, and have begun to really hate it. Then about a month ago, I met a guy in there whom i liked, and he promised to take care of my bills and whatever i needed, so long as i didn't strip. He has a good job, so i agreed, and then we started dating. So for the next few weeks, i stayed out of the club, and he payed the minimal amount of what i needed. Then, as things were going well, one day he randomly decided to ignore my calls and texts for two consecutive weekend days, when we had plans to go out on both days. So when he ditched our plans, i became upset and that night i told him, in a text, that i would go back to the club if he didn't answer the phone. He automatically answered and said he didn't want me to do that. The next day that we met, he revealed that the reason he had intentionally ignored me was because on the night prior to those 2 days, while drinking with his buddies, he learned that his friends had found out about my previous occupation. He then felt embarrassed because then they made fun of him and made derogatory comments about me. After that he decided to distance himself from me, so that he would remain in the approval of his friends. So thats why he ignored me both days. But on the day that we met, he also informed me that he was about to be laid off at work.. but he'd still take me apartment hunting the next day. Well when the next day came, he texted me early, telling me he decided to go to the office instead, so no apartment hunting.. Then he proceeded to tell me that i was too high maintenance, and very demanding, and that and he wouldn't mind if i start stripping again to pay for all of my own stuff, so that he wouldn't be in any financial trouble. (All i had asked of the previous day was if he would still be able to do the things he'd promised, and he agreed. So i had no idea where this was coming from)When just the day before, he had promised to pay rent on an apt, i wondered how his whole opinion could have changed in less than a day. And i am also not ok with having a boyfriend who would allow me to strip. To me, it really just doesn't feel right! So i told him that if i went back to the club, i wouldn't be able to see him anymore. But he is still wanting to be with me and let me strip at the same time. Basically i feel like he is telling me that he doesn't want to fulfill any of his promises, but at the same time, he doesn't want to stop seeing me. He is all of a sudden calling me insensitive to his situation, and accusing me of trying to use him for his money. But something just doesn't feel right. I don't think the money has anything to do with how good or bad of a boyfriend one is. I mean, he ignored me for two days, all bc he was ashamed of me, but now he's telling me to go back and work there, bc he can't afford what little i need. These are two separate problems. One, that while for two days he intentionally ignored my texts, he still read and listened to the countless messages i sent. So while knowing how awful i felt, he still wouldn't respond. And two, being the fact that in order to get out of his responsibility to fulfill his promises, he is now shooting these unfair accusations at me. So he is justifying the first problem, and blaming me for the second.. Am i missing or not seeing something here? Should i still see him or not? I'm very confused.. :(
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female
reader, thatgothgirl20 +, writes (22 October 2008):
 No. He only wants to keep you as his dirty little secret. He's only dating you because he finds you attractive. He is one of those "you owe me" guys. Buy a chick something, didn't get what he wanted, so now you're a gold-digger.
A
female
reader, sugar_sugar +, writes (22 October 2008):
 Some of his behaviour is inconsiderate, and rude but I think you seriously need to look at yourself.
Are you planning to strip for the rest of your life? If so - are you planning to be in a relationship ever again? Based on what you have said in your question the answer would have to be no.
So in which case, I have to ask - why is it his responsibility to rescue you from the life you have chosen for yourself.
If you don't feel you can both strip and have a relationship then YOU need to find a new profession - not expect this other person to support you entirely and create a new life for you.
You have known a guy for a month and you have no qualms in taking his money and allowing him to support you entirely? I'm sorry but you need to assess your own situation before pointing the finger at your partner.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2008): Let him go. Keep doing what you do if you must to pay bills, but start taking classes at a community college. There are many two year programs that would prepare you for a decent paying and respectable career. I danced and worked as a topless waitress for two years while earning a bachelor degree. Went on for a masters. Now I own my own home, bought with a FHA loan, travel several times a year for work and am respected by women and men for my mind. Don't ever put yourself at the mercy of a man's promises. You've worth so much more.
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