A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My fiance and I have been dating for almost three years. We've been having sex for more then a year and he's still having troubles lasting [as in we've never had sex for more then five minutes, ever!]! WE both lost our virginity to each other and we've had plenty of sex. We are both 20 and he's about to turn 21. Does age have to do with any of this?I really want to know if there is anything I can do to help or if he can do something for himself. We've tried numbing creams, sprays, condoms (I'm on birth control regardless), everything. When he feels himself about to come, he stops for a bit but it's even more sensitive when we start back up! I've tried pulling his testicles (gently!) down and squeezing the head of his penis but nothing works! He had once heard that masteurbating could be a cause for not being able to last so he stopped. Didn't work so I told him to masteurbate and get to the point where he was about to come and try to hold it in. Didn't work. I feel like we've made love enough for him to be able to control it a little more.I'm starting to get a little desperate. Never enough for me to leave him for that but enough for me to seek out outward advice about our private love life! Is there anyway I could help him? Should we see a doctor? I love him so much and this has been happening for quite a while and it's actually effecting our relationship and his self esteem! I tell him it's okay and what not but he is always down because he wants to make [long] love to me without worrying about this problem. I am starting to not even want to have sex because I know how it's going to end. Unsatisfying and awkward. Help me please! We're engaged and I really don't want this happening in our marraige. Advice?
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condom, engaged, fiance, self esteem Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for the advice! I really appreciate it and I will be sure to talk to him. I hope we find some way to beat this! And I will def. stop talking to him about it. I don't want to put stress on his mind about it :/. Thank you!
A
male
reader, alex74 +, writes (28 June 2010):
 There are other ways to pleasure a woman than through vaginal intercourse. I've heard that most women don't achieve orgasms through straightforward sex, anyway. Does he just roll over and go to sleep once he's done? I too am an "easy to please fellow". I think I can go 5 minutes on a good night, but if it's been a while since I've ejaculated, it doesn't take long. I've tried masturbating prior to, numbing creams (which numb female parts too by the way as a negative side effect), Clomipramine (but it makes me terribly sleepy), I like condoms for desensitizing me, (but my wife hates them) and stopping when I feel like I'm about to, but not too much success. You should be flattered that you turn him on and don't have anything to worry about on your end as far as pleasing him. I wish my wife had to work a little bit to give me a hard on, but she has no idea what that's like. Wish I had it that easy, but I worry and stress about being able to please her, especially because she revealed to me that her previous lover was very well-endowed. So I have some inadequacy issues to deal with that probably don't help with my pre-mature ejaculation issues.
Anyway, our solution has been for me to manually stimulate her after I'm done. She is very vocal during and says that she is very satisfied. I'm more than willing to perform orally, but she shows ZERO interest in that and even discourages me from attempting. I would love to have her screaming during intercourse, but it isn't going to happen apparently.
Best of luck to you and if you really love each other, you'll find some way to make it work. Just talk it over with him about how to get you to the finish line with him.
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A
female
reader, kitty-cat=] +, writes (28 June 2010):
![kitty-cat=] agony aunt](/avatars/4e276644-588c-43d2-bf37-fe35b92660b5.png) maybe he medically can't hold it, have you been to a professional? perhaps he might need a little help like ecstasy... congrats on getting married though! hope ypu live long happy lives :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2010): you know someone once told me that oral sex helps maybe you can try that and if that doesnt work i suggest seeing a doc
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A
male
reader, Hopeful13 +, writes (28 June 2010):
It does get easier for a guy to prolong his orgasm as he gets older but in the mean time, he should do kegels to strengthen his PC muscles.
This is the muscle you contract when you want to stop the flow of urine.
He should do regular exercise with these muscles by squeezing them.
And then when he's about to cum, he should squeeze those muscles.
Premature ejaculation is many times a mind thing so the more stress you put on him, the harder it will be for him to keep from cumming.
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A
male
reader, DDOC  +, writes (28 June 2010):
This is called preamture ejaculation. Look it up. Lots of techniques to help. It gets better as he gets older.... but could take a long while. So the answer is simple in a way. Your boyfriend/fiance (aren't you a little young?) will need to attend to your needs first. This means foreplay - and lots of it, with very little attention to him and much much more to you. When you have acheived your goal (i.e. orgasm) then he can penetrate and go for it. This often causes you to have secondary orgasms.. It is a win win for everyone.
While you do the above, you can practice the premature ejaculation techniques. Look for them on line.
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