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female
age
41-50,
*RL
writes: Split with ex 12mths ago. Slept with him twice since. He split with his gf 3wks ago after i told him she'd been calling me. Now we've been to lunch. We speak regularly and we've admitted we miss each other. He admitted he thinks about me a lot. He's just stubborn. He's even began to call me. I love him and want to know, is it worth telling him how i really feel. I get a real spark from him. help.
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female
reader, MRL +, writes (13 May 2007):
MRL is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSeriously, i don't base relationships on sex and when i talk about the spark i refer to how we bounce off each other. How we're comfortable with each other and how we just click. I just want to be in his company, where it's reading quietly, having dinner, etc. He's actually my soulmate he knows i'm seeing someone else. I know how he feels about me. i wouldn't have sex again unless we're a couple
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2007): In addition, a year long break is a long time to be broken up, it seems to me that if he really really wanted to be your man, he would have been concerned long before now that he might lose you to someone else, and would have looked you up much sooner. He just broke up with someone else, and he probably knows you are eager to take him back, so he does not have to be alone with himself, and he can potentially take advantage of you.
If it were me, I would be cautious, I would not sleep with him right away to guage what he was interested in, sex or me....but that will be your decision as you are not thinking about anything else except getting back in the sack with him....whoops, that was that spark you were referring too.....anyway, no harm done, have fun, but be prepared for more of the same from him down the road.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2007): I did not suggest you write a list of his good and bad points, you misread my sentences.
What I said was to think about what it is about ANY man that you are looking for, what character traits do you prefer....we all have preferences, we all benefit from being honest with ourselves about what makes us happy, it isn't fair to someone to find out later that they are not what you wanted. Most likely after dating him and breaking up, you know what it was about him and you together that caused the break up....this is the best predictor of your future realtionship. If it was just a commitment issue, if the two of you are ready, perhaps you could commit to a relationship, I am just suggesting that you at least examine your relationship and look for serious and not so serious incompatibilities.
If you don't want advice from someone twice your age, with more relationship experience than yourself, then ask a friend who will reinforce what you want to hear. If you are seeking some truth, and some sage wisdom then at least take into consideration what is provided here.
I don't watch "Friends" so I don't get the reference to that show in my advice to you.
My hunch is that you are mostly interested in the sexual side of your relationship, or you would not have slept with him twice after ending your relationship....that makes it about orgasms.
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A
female
reader, MRL +, writes (13 May 2007):
MRL is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThis isn't an episode of friends. I won't write a list detailing his good and bad points. Our relationship was not based on orgasms. It was based on trust and friendship and yes, he is worth it and i am going to tell him how i feel. Everyone deserves a second chance and he is th man for me. I don't know what relationships you've had but they're not all based on orgasms. What about love and trust.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2007): First off, why is his gf calling YOU? So he broke up with her because of her lack of trust in him, which had nothing to do with you....
Next, having sex with an ex after you break up, is never a good idea, as it just leads to feelings of loss and lowered self esteem.
I think you miss having a companion, you are romanticizing the past and you are forgetting what broke the two of you up in the first place, or you are avoiding examining your relationship. At your age, sorry to say, relationships are mostly about orgasms, and if you are not careful you could be making the biggest mistake of your life.
Take a step back, ask yourself about the character of him, make a list, determine what you are looking for in a man, what you need from him to make YOU happy. If he is mister 80% (no man is 100% perfect for you) then, yes, maybe it is "worth" telling him how you feel.
Remember, the unexamined life is not worth living.
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