A
female
age
30-35,
*rystelle
writes:Okay, so at the moment I'm just about to finish counselling for depression. Personally I don't think I'm ready to be through with it, but my counsellor knows best. I suppose. I've been having a hard time at the moment coping, naturally my close friends are aware of that. I've been developing feelings for one of my close friends, a boy, and I've never been the type of girl who airs my feelings publicly. I'm very secretive. So, he seems to be talking more and more about how 'fit', 'mint' and 'sexy' my friends and ex friends are. It didn't used to bother me if he spoke about girls like that, but it does now. He never calls me pretty, and that just worsens my self confidence. He'll come to me, begging me for advice on whatever girl situation he has that week and if I can't give any he replies with 'you're supposed to be my bestfriend'.That comment infuriated me so much, he's supposed to be my bestfriend as well but he has never once asked if I wanted to talk, and he knows what I'm going through and have been through. He never asks how I am. Never acts like he is interested in my life. Yet somehow my feelings continue to grow stronger! He wonders why some days I'm close to crying, and I just think that maybe if he bothered listening to my problems for once then I wouldn't be such a mess. Anyway, I'm getting off track. I've noticed that the situation is exactly the same as one I had about two years ago with a boy I had been close to. He grew more popular and began pushing me away as I was bad for his image, that's the conclusion I came to. I don't think I could handle it if my friend just pushed me away like the other boy had done. Today, I'd plucked up the courage to tell him everything. He agreed to wait after class for me and I'd explain. However, I get out of class and see him basically speed walking to get away. The rest of the day he ignored me, occasionally watching me when he thought I wasn't watching. I came on MSN after school, he continued to ignore me. What do I do? I don't want the situation to end like the other one did because I don't want more heartache and counselling. My life is hard enough right now without him being so selfish. I'm not sure what I'm asking for advice for, but if you could just give me something after reading all of this then I'll be grateful. Thanks.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2009): Listen, youngster and accept a males perspective. I just stumbled onto this when I typed in "My best friend" (looking for chords to a song). But let me give you a quick reality check. A guy making it clear to you that your his "best friend" while always talking about other girls, is a guy who senses that you are developing feelings and wants you to know that while he enjoys your company, he is not interested! Do yourself a favor and take a hint. He is running away cause he doesn't like where you are trying to take this. A teenage boy is very simple and the complex feelings of a girl who is struggling with self esteem is way beyond what he is able to deal with. Trust me, even grown men don't knw what the heck makes women tick. When women are upset, we don't know what to say or do most of the time. You said, "maybe if he would listen to my problems for once than maybe I wouldn't be such a mess". Young lady that is not true. you are blaming another person for your feelings of depression and your struggles with self esteem. All of us bleed, all of us can die and all of us will let someone down. Don't ever expect somone to be able to make you feel better. Don't expect to much from young boys and you wont be let down. Your problem is personal and the only one who is perfect that wont fail you is God. Pray, spill out your problems to Him, ask Him for help and then just stop thinking so much. Just chill and be cool. Don't create impossible situations in your mind and wonder why this poor kid is running away. This is heading in a bad direction just like the time you mentioned it did before with another guy, and it will become an ongoing pattern if you don't learn from it and find happiness within through God and faith. Give the guy a break. My recomendation, live for the one who loved you enough to die for you. Give your heart to Jesus. Good luck kid.
A
female
reader, Krystelle +, writes (27 April 2009):
Krystelle is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust in reply too what Klara said. I've missed out some stuff on the post. I have opened up too him before, when I told him I was starting counselling he actually laughed in my face and asked if it was because I was a crazy suicidal girl. And when you mentioned about how I'm being selfish by not giving him advice; I've been giving him advice practically every day for the past 4 years. This was just one night when he said I was supposed to be his best friend. That day though he'd seen me crying and he knew my mood so he had no right to say something like that to me. Also, I'm not putting everything on him. He hasn't a clue about my eating disorder, or anything else that I think is too serious for him too handle. I'd say that's being quite kind and I'm purposely keeping things away from him.
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