A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my b/f for 2 years (living together for 1) and in nearly every respect we're very happy together. He dotes on me and gives me everything I could possibly ask for emotionally and otherwise. He's everything to me and we rarely, if at all, come to arguments, not even the age gap is a problem (He's 40 and I'm 30). But there is one thing bugging me. My b/f works for an employment agency and has to see clients as part of his job. On of these clients is a young woman a few years younger than me that he sees every week, anyway my b/f has always told me that he likes her and enjoys seeing her (which I don't have a problem with, we all have favourite clients).The problem I have is that I've just found out that he looks her up everyday on the home computer. He's been doing this for weeks (and possibly months). This isn't just some random Internet search either, he's looking at pictures on several social networking sites (and there are some of her in very revealing clothes), looking for personal data on others, doing Google and Google image searches etc.I know that he would never cheat on me and I know she's not connected to him on any site and he doesn't see her outside of work (he's always with me) but I am extremely upset about this. Why would he do this? I could understand 1 or 2 searches (we all look people up after all) but why is he doing it so frequently? To me it's obsessive and I'm starting to think that not only does he fancy this woman but he also has feelings for her. It's really getting me down.Could you all tell me what you think and whether or not I should confront him about this. Thanks. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, ashley187  +, writes (10 February 2011):
 How is he searching for her, creeping out her facebook page or something? And how often? I agree that I would not be very happy about this...although I am guilty of looking at people online from time to time. If things start to actually change in your relationship (how he is acting towards you) or if he is making a point of going out of his way to see this girl.. I would have to start asking questions. I think we all have mini crushes sometimes but they should never be acted upon when you're in a relationship. I would definitely confront him and ask him why he keeps looking her up, see what he says. Good luck!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2011): It sounds like a bit of an obsession. You need to say to him that this regular searching is unsettling for you. From what you say it may be that he has become obsessed with the process of looking her up online. Yes we all look people up but it sounds as if he has tipped into a bit of an irrational habit that has got a bit unhealthy. You don't want to frighten him into doing all this in secret so I would be sensitive about how you tackle it. You could almost make it into a bit of a joke. Hopefully he will realise himself that this has gotten out of hand.
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