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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi there.On July 3rd 2006, me and my boyfriend will have been together for a full year, and I wanted to get him something special, so i thought i could get him a plain silver ring with my name engraved on it. Nothing too expensive and nothing cheap, just something nice. I don't mean an engagement ring and not a wedding ring or anything like that, just a ring that simbolises our relationship (to wear on any finger). When he slept over at my house I decided to talk to him about it, to see what he thought about the idea, so I told him about it. I didnt think that he would be freaked out in the slightest, as (even though I don't mean as an engagement)he has brought up the convosation of engagement, and told me that he would marry me today if he had the money. He told me this several months ago, and told me loads of times since, and i was quite shocked, but not freaked.When I suggested the idea, he looked at me like he was freaked out, and didnt know what to say. I explained to him that I didnt mean engagement or marriage, and he looked a lil' more relaxed, and said, "only if you don't mean to be engaged or married", and he seemed to cringe at the words "engagement" and "marriage".Because of what he has told me before, I was quite shocked at his reaction, and quite upset, because we have trust issues, as i have found out loads of times that he has hidden things from me, and lied to me about things. he has promised me that he will never lie to me again and never keep anything from me, and once again, he has done it again.I managed to talk to him about being upset about him telling me that "he would marry me today if he had the money", when he didnt feel like that at all, and all he could say was that "he changed his mind and he didnt think it was that important. he wouldn't have told me if he thought i would have been upset". I asked him when he changed his mind, and he said that he changed it "a while ago".Please help me, what should I do? I am constantly feeling hurt! should i break up with him for all the lies?Any help is appreciated! xp.s sorry for the length
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi again! Thanks for all your great answers, they are much apreciated! I am taking in all of the answers so far, and I am going to figure out what to do. Thanks again! x
A
male
reader, Highland Help +, writes (19 April 2006):
 Lots of alarm bells going off here, I do not think he is being honest with you and does not have the nerve to say he just does not want to get married or commit long term.
If he lies to you constantly you really need to consider walking I am afraid, easier now before you get even more emotionally attached.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2006): ChaChaCha makes a good point about honesty. I think being open, vulnerable, and HONEST are all-necessary for deep committed intimacy. It appears you are doing this, but he isn't. Your bf's past and current lying behaviors will always affect his relationship with you, now and for years to come. Why? Because, lying in a love relationship is a very serious issue. It builds hurt (which you are feeling) resentment and mistrust. And as you know, truth builds TRUST and that is foundational. I'm trying to figure out WHY you would even give this guy a ring, showing your loyalty, emotional allegiance and love to him, when you know he 'lies like a fence'? Red flags are a wavin' here, hun. I would sit down privately with him, and tell him that. He needs help in learning how to be open and truthful, even when the truth is difficult. If he can't do that, then drop him, because a future life with a 'liar' doesn't look too happy! Good luck.
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A
female
reader, chachacha  +, writes (19 April 2006):
Tell him exactly how you feel. Relationships are based on honesty and if you can't be honest, your relationship is worthless.
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