| A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I think I really need help.. I had been seriously dating my bf (of 28 years old) dating now for about 3 years. He had lie to me a lot in the past, and I think that’s why now I can’t trust him now. I am constantly checking on him; I check everything, his phone, e-mail, pocket, all you could think of. I want to stop ‘cause I know this is not going to work like this, and I am going crazy. Right now, he is away for some time and every time he goes out or does not answer the phone, I start thinking that he is messing around with other girls and I go insane then we fight. The fact that he's at a big partying city also drives me insane .All I do is think about what his doing and I can’t do anything….My life is a mess ‘cause all I do is think of him. 24/7. I can’t sleep or eat just thinking on what he may be doing. Also, not spending christmas with him is not helping. I know I am the one with the problem and I want to do something about it. .. Any advice? Do you guys think I need a psychologist to deal with my insecurities… How can i trust him....
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, scoreg +, writes (25 December 2006):
Ive been going through the same thing. Drove me crazy to the point i even put a keylogger on the computer. When we started dating there were things he did which were unacceptable to me, but we talked them through. I actually listened and understood his point, which makes it easier to forgive i guess. Well here i am almost 2years later. And ive realised the lies didnt stop with my partner. He just learnt new ways to hide the truth, your reaction lets them know how to handle it differently next time. Ive felt like i was paranoid and insane at times while checking up on him and to be honest i didnt like what i was becoming. You end up playing cat and mouse, you chasing and him hiding, it's not a nice way to live. I think its really important to realise that you are in control of YOU here. You may not think it whilst your in the situation, but you have a choice. I chose to end my relationship. Its 2days in and im finding it really hard, but not trusting someone is harder. it takes over your life. I cant lie, its painful when you break up, im devastated. But i will be ok and i will move on, i have to as im still going to keep breathing and walking and talking. Life wont stop becouse you lose someone. We are all different, my advice is to have your partner make you promises, and stick to them so you can build some trust between you. If he cant keep his promises, then do yourself a favour and get out now before you waste your life on less than what you want out of it.
Take care
G
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