A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:ok this might sound a bit long winded so i will try and keep it as brief as i can.....i have been with my boyfriend for 2 years. 9 months ago i moved away from my home, family and friends to start a new life with him. we have been staying at his fathers house up until last week when we moved into a new house together as tennants. its what we both wanted and have both been really excited about setting up a new home together.i have always had in the back of my mind that i really miss my friends and family and often feel very alone where i am now.5 days into living in our new home i found out my boyfreind had lied to me. he has been buying things with money we haven't got, hiding them away from me and not telling me about them. the reason i found out about this is beacause i spotted a reciept and bag in the bin!!!bear in mind that so far everything that we have bought for the house i have paid for and i have had to buy his cigarettes, bus fare, phone credit and medical fees because he has no money until payday next week.i am absolutely furious that he has lied to me and im not sure if i can trust him completely now. i have come to my family home for the weekend to have a good think but i am just so confused over what to do. should i forgive and forget and give things a go in the new house or should i just get out now before things get too much??he is very apologetic and promises he wont do it again and that he will improve his ways with money but i dont know if i can believe him. what do you think i should do? or what would you do?
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female
reader, dearkelja  +, writes (21 March 2008):
 I would not live with this man until he can prove to me that he is capable of taking care of himself. Don't pay his bills, don't buy him smokes, etc. He is using you to take care of the essentials while he fritters your future income on things for HIM. If you get tied to this guy you will be the one to bail him out. He will not learn a lesson from any of this until he proves he can be responsible with money. He's still young and has a chance to change. Plus, if you force him to be responsible he will feel better about himself and more in control financially.
So, if you don't live with him does this mean you will go back to your family and friends? Only you can decide this. Whatever you do, don't marry this man unless he changes his way and for sure understand his total financial picture if you do marry him.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2008): i think you have no reasin to quit the relationship. the problem in hand is so petty such that u cannot afford to quit. my question is: did he ever told you where he bought the items to? if u have confirmed that he was buying to a different girlfriend, then you have a reason to think twice.
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