A
female
age
36-40,
*Pebblesx
writes:I'm having a very hard time...just yesterday, the guy I've been in a relationship with for a year told me he couldn't do it anymore because he hurt too much from not seeing his children. We've been living together for a while now, he recently told his wife he was divorcing her, and now he's moved out because he thinks it's best for his children to be in a house with both parents, although they don't love each other and fight in front of them. He tells me I love you and I only love you, I have no feelings for their mother, I just need to do what's best for my children , I'm an adult and I should have known better than to run behind you. I'm lost...he loves me, he's still going to take care of me, but he is leaving to be with his children and a woman who he doesn't like?! Please help
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 April 2012):
 I think he is BS'ing you. He can live apart from his wife and kids and still see them.
He is leaving you because he wants his family back. (wife and kids)
He is telling YOU that he loves you and only YOU in case it doesn't work out with the wife, so he has a fall back plan.
I'm sorry to say this, but this is pretty typical actions of a guy who has an affair and get s wake up call. The guy wasn't even divorced when he started seeing you. HE WAS STILL MARRIED - and STILL IS.
This is not the 1950's where women automatically get the kids 100% of the time. With a decent custody agreement they can share the kids, however, he wants HIS home. So I don't believe the bologna that he doesn't love his wife. He sounds like he is pulling a "Woe is me" or "I'm such a Martyr".
I doubt his wife will accept him "taking" care of you if they reconcile. After all she holds the aces. (the kids) And why should he? (take care of you)
Let him go. This is NOT a healthy relationship for you AT ALL.
LOOK at his actions? They speak FAR louder then his lovey dovey words. HE IS LEAVING YOU... does that seem like love to you?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2012): He sound confused, torn and all that is not good. I'm afraid you are likely to be left in no man's land. People do leave relationships, form new ones and still manage to see a lot of their children. But it takes a bit of juggling and goodwill on all sides. However, by his actions he has shown where is priorities lie. Do not turn into a willing side show - if he goes back to his wife no matter how much he say she loves you, it has to be over. Harsh, but that is the reality.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2012): Hes decide to go back to the kids and his wife.
Dont stick around because he says he loves you. You need to move on and not hold onto any hope that he will see the light.
His wife will have told him that if he moves back he will need to cut contact with you. Which he will if it threatens his relationship with his children.
Cut out all contact with him in order for both of you to heal, and move on and live your lives.
Being a woman hanging onto hope is not a fun way to live life. Grasp this as an out to all the baggage he brought to your relationship, and drama free. Get out and meet new people and enjoy being just you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2012): My ex wanted to come back to the family but I didnt want him , maybe a good choice maybe not.
I would let him go let him settle there because now its out in the open it means he has been thinking about it and talked to his Ex. They have decided between them to give the marriage another try.There must be some love there.
Do not let him see you as well because that would mean your waiting on the sidelines for him, seeing a married man.
It will be hard for you but you must be strong and forget him, he has made his choice now.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (13 April 2012):
 Yep, he's going back to his wife.
He misses her, the domesticity of their being together, and the family dynamic of a two-person household. Soon, sexuality will follow, and they will work at being a family again.
Unfortunately, you are now the outsider and will be pushed out of their world for good. In fact, he and his wife will use you as a way to get closer together. You'll become the byword as the storied "obstacle" in their relationship.
Best to walk away, because letting this one die a slow death filled with painful slights is a lot worse.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2012): Let him go, he's made his choice. if he's decided that seeing his kids every day is more important than being with you, then that's what he's decided. There's clearly something not right with him. Being with you does not mean he can NEVER see his kids. Just that he won't see them every day. But living with his kids means he also has to live with the wife and that means he can't be with you AT ALL. There are workable solutions as millions of successfully divorced (and re-married) parents have found. But he does not want to do that. Is it easy? Of course not. But life is full of problems to be solved and worked through. Instead he wants to take the easy way out which is to have everything and not give up anything - he wants to live with his kids and wife while still professing to love only you. You should not accept this, because in this situation he wins everything, and you lose everything. He gets to have the security of a 'normal' married family life while also supposedly being in love with you. You on the other hand will be single and without a family if you continue to hold out for him.You should break up with him. Despite his claims that he loves only you, tell him that it means diddly squat now. His words don't matter if his actions contradict them. Tell him that unless he is divorced, there can be no relationship with you. Therefore by going back to his wife, your relationship is over and you are free to find someone new. Do NOT let him try to keep a romantic relationship with you going while he's living with his wife. His actions up until now suggest that he wants an easy way out of all his problems. Marriage hit a rough patch? move out of the marital home and find someone new. Doesn't like not being able to see his kids every day? Leave the new gf, and go back to the wife he claims not to love. This shows he doesn't have the guts to suck it up when the going gets rough to find workable solutions as MANY other people in the same situation do and have, instead he just wants to run away toward whatever feels easiest in the moment. It would not surprise me at all if he will try to have his cake and eat it too by living in the marital home and trying to have a relationship with you.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (13 April 2012):
My bestfriend went through this EXACT situation a few years ago. He loved her, but didn't love his wife but he couldn't do it because he couldn't deal with not being able to see his kids everyday.
Well probably within about a year they ended up getting divorced. People think they can stay with someone they don't want to be with but it ultimately ends up not working. They could be the exception and end up staying together, who knows?
But the best thing is just to let him go. Really, what else can you do except come to the realization that that's what he wants to do and that's the decision he's making. All you can do is go about your life, make time with your friends and family to keep yourself preoccupied. Breakups are never easy and you can't control another person. If things end up not working out between them, then maybe he'll come back, if you even want him anymore by that time.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (13 April 2012):
 You should leave him alone. Maybe one day he will smarten up and realize that it hurts more to fake a relationship in front of children than to live freely. Maybe when the kids are older, talk more, can walk to school then he might want to seek a new partner but you shouldn't have to wait for that moment. You will both move on without guilt and you are free to be single again. It's also possible that without you in the picture, they might try to rekindle the love and rethink about the divorce.
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A
female
reader, joannni  +, writes (13 April 2012):
if he loved you. he wouldnt be leaving you.
Yes he does love his kids, but he has decided to go back to his wife hun. he just doesnt wanna tell tell you... not straight up.
just move on. he's playing you for a fiddle.
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