A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boy friend found out his ex girlfriend was pregnant about 2 weeks ago, she is now 3 months along. It has been hard, but he wants to be with me and is going to have a baby with his ex. He won't tell her about me, he says he's afraid she will get pissed and refuse to let him see his baby once its born. I was excited to be able to meet her, and now it seems like I'm not going to be in the baby's life either considering she doesn't know I exist. How do I bring this up? What do I say? Thanks in advance.
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female
reader, jaime90  +, writes (27 November 2008):
 i just have to add that my bfs ex rang him one night in feb (they broke up in august) and we had been going out for a month and she was begging for him back!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for the replies. I guess I should give a bit more background as well. My boyfriend isn't just someone I met a couple months ago, we have a long history and this happened during a 6 month break. So should I just not bring it up and wait for him to find the right time to tell her? I mean, I don't know what she's like, so I don't know what type of personal she is or how she would react to him telling her. Also he made mention that he would be very scarced for a while when the baby is born, that he would be over there almost daily to help. In my mind that doesn't seem very realistic, cause I have a few friends that are single mother's and daddy isn't always there, he gets time with the child as does she.Also I am worried about what might change in her, she doesn't want to be with him now, but what happens if down the road she feels like she wants to try things again with him. I hate this situation, but I can't walk away from him, we've been through more than alot can imagine, and he's the only guy I've ever truly wanted to be with. Thank you all so much for the responses. 3
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A
female
reader, Teacake +, writes (27 November 2008):
 You have to know that she and the baby will be in his life for as long as you are with him. Drama is pretty much a given. Even though this all happened before you met, the baby changes everything. She will probably call for help and for money. Can you deal with that?
This is a very difficult situation to be in. Stay with him until it gets to be too much. Does he plan to be a part of the baby's life? If so, will you be able to handle the daughter's needs come before yours?
Best of luck to you!
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A
female
reader, jaime90 +, writes (26 November 2008):
I have been in the exact same position. When i met my bf he had a 2 month old baby and his crazy ex would never let him see her. when she finally started he wouldnt tell her about me because he was scared she wouldnt let him see his daughter, so everytime she came to drop the baby off i would have to hide upstairs and it was terrible. so one day i just said im sick of hiding, it really sucks that your to afraid of your ex to tell her about me. And about a week later he told her. All he has to know is she cannot take his baby away. and if she does, tell him to go to court! its illegal, he has rights too.
Another thing, i know now you dont have to deal with it as the baby isnt born but just letting you know its REALLY hard having a bf who has a baby. especially when they have her every second weekend. I have been with my bf for a year and its still not any easier. I thought i was fine with it in the beginning when she wasnt around but once she started coming over it was and still is really hard. make sure you know what your getting yourself into, if you love your bf you will do it but trust me its hard.
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