A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I don't know where to begin. My husband and I have been together for 15 years, married for 13. I have 2 adult daughters from a previous marriage, and an 11 year old son with my husband. My problem is, my husband spends no time with me, one on one. He is self-employed (for 10 years), and I work full-time. His work is seasonal, and the weather has not been of much help for the past year. I have basically supported our family. My husband spends a lot of time with his friends, several nights a week and on the weekends. I come home from work with laundry and dishes and a messy house daily, and my husband is with his friends. This wouldn't bother me if he were working, but he has lost all interest in working and in me. I have mentioned that he spends no time with me, and that we don't even talk about little things anymore. He states that he can't help it that I don't have friends. I do have friends, but they have families also, so our time together has to be planned. His friends are all mostly divorced, and are just lately learning about parenthood. His excuse for not being here is that all I do is nag him about his not working (if he doesn't feel like working, he doesn't, and has lost several jobs), not spending time with me, and money-management. Our finances are tight, but he always has money to go "play" several times a week. Recently, my father passed and I am executor of his will with one of my brothers (out of 7 kids). He said that he would be here for me, and he was (for 2 days). It is one of the most painful experiences I have ever had to go through. I have told him that I need him, and that I miss my best friend, but he is never here for me emotionally. He used to be my best friend, and we kept nothing from each other. I also was recently promoted - last week. He commented, "Good Job" and then left to be with his buddies. He gets very angry when I am not there for him for sex, but I don't have a desire to live up to that when I need the emotional comfort to go with it. Any suggestions would be helpful. What should I do? Am I wasting my time?
View related questions:
best friend, divorce, his ex, money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Full moon temptress1  +, writes (12 July 2009):
i do understand how you feel,i was in a simular relationship until a year ago.i had to put up for years with emotional and physical abuse from hopitalising me for knocking a glass out of my hand and cutting my leg open to spitting in my face.My daughter whos now 6 was witness to some of this or in the next room.I realised that if i put up with this any longer she will think thats its ok for men to treat women like this.Maybe there will come a point for you to think enough is enough.I hope so for you and your childrens sake.Good luck
A
female
reader, Full moon temptress1 +, writes (10 July 2009):
get rid,you don't actually need him,as you do everything anyway.In fact you won't have to tidy up after him,cook his dinner,clean his clothes.If he wants to be with his friends so much he can go live with them.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI agree with you. Please understand my position-I am the one responsible for the boy, our son. While I love my husband, I do not condone the way that he is showing our son that a woman needs to be treated. I will always be there for my kids, any mom would. It is time for me to shine, as you said. Any woman that loves someone knows that there is an emotional attachment, or should have one. I don't any longer. Hard to hold on. After the incident tonight, I have little doubt.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am the original poster. My husband was arrested tonight for domestic abuse-I did not call the law. He came home from his buddy's telling me that it is not his responsibility to babysit, do dishes, laundry or clean the house just because he needed "another" day off. I was totally shocked when the officer approached me. Unfortunately, my husband was arrested because my bruises were so evident. The officer had to wake my sleeping husband off the couch - my husband replied, "She is so angry, she hurt herself..I was just out with a good time with my buddy, I did not touch her." This has happened too many times, as I said I did not call the law. I was just going to let it blow over, but someone intervened - not this time. I think this is my answer.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2009): I understand what you mean about the emotional aspect. Sex is so much better when a man is there for me emotionally. After all, who wants to have sex with an asshole? Sounds like he is just using you now. I think that you are wasting your time with him, and that you should leave him. If he objects, now is your time to shine, to say something like, "Well now you won't have anyone to nag you any more, good for you." (I know it sounds immature, but what has he been all of this time?)
...............................
|
