A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I would really appreciate some advice. I split up with my long term partner a year ago (he left) and although I still love him I started dating another guy, who I do really like but the problem is that he is really really into anal sex and I am not. I have never had anal sex and I realise it is quite popular but I just have no desire for it all. I would try it with a new partner if he liked it and I am not against it in any moral way or anything but it just doesn't appeal to me. However this guy is into it in a big way and seems to prefer it to any other type of sex and would like to have anal sex 3 or 4 times a day. My ex partner and I were quite compatible sexually and neither of us were into anal sex particularly. Am I being prudish or strange? (a lot of people, including friends, have said to me that anal sex is very popular and common). I feel upset because in every other way I feel very compatible with this new guy and he 'ticks' all the other 'boxes' but this is a big issue and it is something that he and his ex fell out over also. Is sexual compatibility as important as all the other stuff or would the relationship eventually fail if we had to compromise too much on a sexual issue within the relationship. He says he will be romantic with me and have romantic sex etc but then he would be suppressing his real desires. Also, sex 3 or 4 times a day (for at least 40 minutes a time) is a lot for me as I have a health issue which makes me fatigued. So far I have not had anal sex with him as am still reluctant and it is not so much the thing itself but his seeming obsession with it etc .. It doesn't help that I still really miss my ex whom I was with for 7 yrs ... If anyone has any suggestions or experience in this sort of problem I would really appreciate the benefit of your wisdom. Thank you for reading this.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2009): Hi All - thank you for your answers they've really helped. I now feel more able to just be clear and honest and tell him straightforwardly that actually I am not into anal sex. I guess now and again would be ok but he is clearly really into it in a big way and I'm not so I guess we're not compatible. I was getting very caught up in feeling guilty or feeling as though I'm being prudish or difficult but I really really for some reason just don't fancy it. Thanks for your help - appreciated :) x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2009): Great answers. I had the same issue w/one of my boyfriends.
He was very large and only wanted anal sex. I absolutely hated it. He 'd say i 'd get used to it. I never did.
He explained to me why he liked it, because it's very tight, gives him more pleasure. I told him, that all i feel is a desire to go to the bathroom, which is pretty disgusting feeling when you're having sex.
It came to the point that i got fed up w/it and we broke up. I still so many years later feel disgusted by him, when I remember it.
Also, so often who can stand it. It's not healthy also to be penetrated in there so often.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (1 December 2009):
 Some people like anal sex (on the receiving end I mean) and some don't. For women, (I presume you are one), the reaction seems to be:
1, pain
2, nothing
3, does feel good
If it hurts, then you better know it now before you are with a guy who by your claim wants to be back there for 2+ hours a day. Could be a pain in the ass ;)
If you feel nothing... then you better find a good book to read for 2+ hours a day.
If it does feel good, then you might still ask, wouldn't it feel better in the other hole.
The point being, nice that anal sex is such a great pleasure to him but there are two people involved.
He might just not be sexually compatible, the notion that he would have romantic sex for your sake first, but then expects anal afterwards... do you want that? A guy who constantly wants to end it in your ass? Could get a bit boring especially is you fall in group 1 or 2.
Sexually compatibility is a complex issue, if she wants it hard and deep and he is below average. So far I see both his sexdrive and yours not matching an potentially his favorite sexual activity not matching yours.
As for what is popular. I hear raping women is very popular, the majority of women have been raped, so clearly it is something women enjoy right?
This is about you, not what other people do or claim to do.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2009): okay im gonna get a little bit beyond my comfort zone on this one. if you are not interested in anal sex then just dont do it. if its a deal breaker then so be it. i am not saying this because im a prude or because i havent tried it. i have and it was very painful... i persevered and can do it but cant say that i enjoy it that much, though there is something erotic about it and i have learned to find some pleasure in it. I would never put myself thru that for a guy that i wasnt madly and completely in love with. never. i am in a marriage spanning close to 3 decades and i will do it to make my man happy. however he doesnt ask often. there is no way on Gods green earth that i could be talked into 3 times a day. this guy will not be happy with less and im thinking that you will always feel like you are not truly pleasing him. good luck, mal
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