| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: I'm an international student, currently doing my thesis. Me doing a master's degree was entirely my mom's idea and money which I very reluctantly agreed since I wanted to live my own life. I'm her first child and have always been the smart one. The pressure now is doubled since start having a boyfriend - it was during the 2nd month of my thesis year. He was a very good friend. He's in my home country. Most communication has been long distance calls and online chat, except for 3 months in the middle of my thesis year when I had to go back to my home country. The thing is, since the day I said yes to him he's been robbing my time - like we should talk 24/7. In the first months we chatted 6-7 hours a day, I couldn't get anything done and now my thesis has to be extended. I've talked with him about my condition, he said he understood, but still he expects me to be online everyday and sometimes calls me 5+ times a day. The reason why I feel guilty about being 'strict' with him is because he'd asked me out 3 years ago and I said no. At that time I had just got pregnant and aborted the baby without anybody else except the guy (it was a short-lived relationship). I've been regretting the abortion ever since and haven't been able to fully recover from the guilt. To make things worse, I got pregnant (again) during my unproductive 3-month field work - with my boyfriend, who insisted on daily sex. I know my family wouldn't hear of it hence my 2nd abortion. Now I'm really stressed out. I don't know how to do my thesis anymore and don't know what to do with my boyfriend. Help!
View related questions:
abortion, long distance, money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2005): I am sure that you are wonderful and all that, but nobody *needs* to talk to you 5 times a day.You real problem is you inability to assert yourself and say 'no': o you are doing a master degree because of your mother o you have to label yourself as 'the smart one' o guys are knocking you up left and right because appearently you cant say 'no' even though you must know that you arent on birth control. o the bf 'insists on daily sex' o you knock off your own baby because your family wont allow you to have it (you think). o you cant limit the bf's chat time in anywaySo this is your real problem- got it? Even after you get over this bf thing, it is a real issue that is going to keep getting you into jams for the rest of your life until you fix it. So short term, make up a work schedule for your thesis. Like a structured routine that says when you are in class, when you are studying, working, eat etc. Discuss the scedule with your advisor and get their buy in- they will validate your estimate of 500 hours (or whatever) between now and May. Then go over the schedule with your bf. Get his buy-in that 500 hours (or whatever) means that you have to schedule things tightly and cant be chitchatting for endless hours. Then agree on a specific time that you will talk. Like maybe 3x a week for an hour. Try to schedule these calls so you have a 'hard stop ' at the end of the time- like you have to get to class.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2005): I think you should tell your boyfriend that you need to finish your thesis and you feel really stressed out and under pressure until it is done so you will unfortunetly not beable to talk to him as much but you look forward to when it is done. If he can't give you the space to finish your thesis he isn't giving you alot of respect and maybe doen't care that much about you suceeding in it. I think you should also consider birth control, even if you think you wont need it, it is a good idea just to be on it until you are sure you want to have a baby. There is an over the counter day afer pill, rather then have to mentally and emotionally put your self through abortions, you take that and it won't let you get pregnant, if youtake it the day after unprotected sex. I think you should also talk to a counsllor about all your feelings. You have alot going on, and a lot of guilt you need to forgive yourself, and move on.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2005): You should definatly tell your boyfriend that he is controlling your life and he should give you some space. School is definatly more important than talking to him all day. Try and schedule a time with him to talk everyday, that way it wont take up so much of your time and you will have the option to study, or even relax from time to time. Abortion is a choice you have to make on your own, no one can tell you what to do in that department. Importantly, discuss all of the issues with your boyfriend, communication is important concerning every aspect of a relationship. And dont forget to take time for yourself :)
...............................
|
