A
female
age
,
*murfette
writes: I have a big problem,and if anyone can offer some good advice,I'm open to it. How do you get out of a bad relationship? I can't just walk away cause my guy is handicaped,in a wheelchair,bipolar and I am probably the only in the free world that cares weather he lives or not.I have tried to live with and love him for almost 2 years now and the situation only gets worse day by day.He takes his fustrations out on me,throws things at me,curses me and yells at me.I try to make life easier for him,I thought it was because of love,but now I'm not so sure it was not pity.There has not been anything between us for some time now,and when there was it was a waste of time,leaving us both fustraited and feeling like each of us was a failure,for me anyway.I feel like I am a nobody to him even though he tells me I am the most importaint person in the world to him.Why don't I feel it?I stay tired all the time.I have a full time job at a Nursing Home and then when I come home I feel like I'm coming to another job. I know I am not supposed to feel like that,dreading to come home,cause I knoe there is no rest there.I can't leave because he can not care for himself.There is nobody to help take care of him if I did go.our ages are (me 54) (him 35) I know I am stupid for believing it could work,but in the beginning it was beautiful.I don't know what went wrong,just one day it was almost gone.If anyone can offer advice,I'll listen,If not thanks for listening and I'll try not to mention this again Reply to this Question
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female
reader, flower girl  +, writes (22 June 2007):
 What a situation to be in, if everything has gone from the relationship then you really should not stay because that really is not going to help either of you, it sounds as though he is treating you more like a carer now, i know he tells you you are the most important thing in the world to him but without him even realising it that is a guilt trip so you won't leave.
There must be some help from the state or someone out there obviously not coming from there myself i would not know exactly what, but i'm sure there is someone that can help him.
Do your best to look into that and find out as much information as you can, because i really think you need to start looking after your own interests and start living a little as you are still young enough to move on and start again.
Take care.xx.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2007): He is disabled, can't he get into some kind of home for disabled people? Maybe you should look into what kind of help he can get, then you should leave him. You're not happy, and he is not appreciative of you anymore. He thinks you'll never leave him, so he's taking his insecurities out on you and making you feel bad all the time. You don't need to waste the last quarter of life being unhappy. You aren't being selfish. You've done all you can for this man.
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A
female
reader, LauraE +, writes (22 June 2007):
This is a really difficult one to answer. I think you might be asking for permission to leave, because although you are unhappy, your guilt is holding you back at the moment. That’s straight talking, but I think that’s what I can hear from what you say. Well, the bottom line is, if you don’t love someone any more and there is no hope of getting it back, then the relationship is over. If guilt or pity is all you have left, you will be doing no good to either of you by staying. In the long run this can only get bitter and probably more violent. If you have to leave, then maybe you could first put a lot of effort into finding help for him from family, or social services – that’s a British term, I don’t know what you call it in the U.S. If you had never known him, someone would have been caring for him wouldn’t they? Of course, it is possible that there is a relationship left there, but that the stressfulness of the situation is disguising it. If you think that this might be the case, then maybe getting help for him would keep you together – then you and he could both see you less as his carer and more as his lover. You are the only one that can say whether that is possible or not. But don’t stay out of pity – I’m sure he wouldn’t want that – you wouldn’t would you?
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